In our last blog post, we talked about the reasons why you should say NO sometimes and how that little word can help you gain clarity in your own goals.
In this post, we’re going to look at key ways that you can say no and mean no, but do it kindly, too.
1. No excuses.
It’s often the prevarication around the word NO that causes all the problems. Because we feel uncomfortable in refusing a request, we often feel we need to provide excuses or beat around the bush, rather than plainly saying “no”. It’s this evasion that provides the window of opportunity for others to mistake our NO for a YES and, before we know, we’ve agreed to the request we were hell-bent on refusing!
Instead, just be straight. Don’t stall or hesitate. Your refusal is enough. You can offer a brief explanation if you wish, but don’t feel duty-bound to. Be assertive, yet courteous. A response along the lines of, “I’m sorry, I can’t right now, let me come back to you when and if I can” resets the power dynamic in the conversation, putting you in control.
2. Boundaries are there for a reason.
Your personal boundaries are set by you and give you the best compass of whether you should say yes or no to a request. How will the other person feel if you say no? By looking at, and understanding, the dynamics of your relationship with them, you will see that a good relationship can withstand your refusal to one task. If you feel the relationship will suffer by your refusal, then surely that says more about your relationship than anything else?
3. Put yourself first.
Be firm in your refusal. Don’t feel compelled to say yes simply because the other person won’t like a refusal. It’s essential you put your needs first. If you constantly try and please all of the people all of the time, you’ll simply end up pleasing no one! In order to be the best version of yourself, you need time and space to grow and this means having the wherewithal to say NO when that request takes you too far off your own track. Besides, in order to give to others, you need to have something to give, so feel comfortable in saying no.
In summary, remember that YOU come first. Don’t feel bad about furthering your own success by saying NO to others.
You’ll often find that a firm, polite NO will increase the other person’s respect for you and allow them to see things from your perspective.
Go on, give it a try!