On the way to creating the life you want and the business you would love when you have AD/HD is this little roadblock called “perfectionism.”
How’s that working for you?
Have you ever considered that the world which exists inside your head is a perfect world? A world where the Midas effect is a real thing, because everything you touch turns to sparkly success? How amazing that world is. Except, it’s not reality.
Here’s what can happen.
- You don’t meet your lofty standards. Over and over.
- Your self-talk goes pretty negative.
- You stop believing you are doing a good job.
- You stop trying.
Does any of this sound familiar?
The hard fact is that there are some things in life that, yes, you are great at. But there are also things that you are just passable at and other things at which you’re pretty useless. Join the club! When it comes to talent and ability, the playing field is most definitely uneven. Wherever we look, there are always people who seem to be stronger than us, more polished and more knowledgeable, leading us to feelings of insecurity and intimidation. But there are ways that you can approach these negative feelings and flip them into positive ones. Here’s how:
How to recognize if you are a perfectionist even if you believe you are “just doing a good job”
While doing a great job has its place, we can get caught up in trying to do everything perfectly. Doing a GOOD job gets pushed aside. We convince ourselves that we must be perfect, or the result is just not good enough and therefore not worth doing. I mean, why attempt something when you know you’re going to fail? Right? Hmmm….is doing a GOOD job “failing”?
If you cannot stand the idea that at least some of what you do may be imperfect, then the chances are that you are veering into perfectionist country, and that just leads to procrastination, failure and frustration. This is not a country to stay in!
Procrastination
I get it. You want to be permanently amazing at everything you do. Failure or “not good enough” just isn’t an option. But the result of striving for perfection in everything you do is procrastination; these two very often walk hand in hand. Perfectionists often fear being able to complete a task perfectly, so they put it off for as long as possible.
Solution: Do it badly! That’s right. Just do “something.” What will happen? I am willing to bet…something fantastic. The magic in this phrase is freedom. My mentor, Melinda Cohen (who created and owns the wildly successful Coaches Console) taught me this phrase. She is a recovering Perfectionist!
Micromanaging
Another negative by-product of perfectionism is micro-management. If you are so focussed on perfection that you find yourself dictating how others compete their tasks, then this could be you. Instead, step back and allow those delegated tasks to be completed by others without interruption. Your team will be more engaged, leading to a better result. Allowing others to complete tasks “their way” brings a different perspective to the task in hand and the end result may not be “perfect”, but who wants perfect anyway? Isn’t completed better?
Overwhelm
Lastly, is overwhelm; the result of both procrastination and micromanaging. If you cannot complete a task for fear that the end result will only be your best, not “perfect” or you fail to delegate for fear that your team won’t deliver, or you fail to allow delegated tasks to be completed without micromanaging the project, then you may find yourself heading for overwhelm and, ultimately, burn out.
To avoid this, it is important that you gain a new perspective. One strategy is the Index Card Strategy. Find some index cards and write one sentence on each. For example:
- “Mistakes are bound to happen.”
- “Remember, nobody is perfect, not even my boss.”
- “Making a mistake does not make me less than, it only makes me human.”
- “It’s OK to have a bad day.”
To train yourself to be less perfectionistic, read them several times a day. At first this will feel really strange. But…it works. The secret is to allow it to work. Just trust.
In my next blog, I will be looking at ways to capitalize on your flaws and how to love yourself; flaws and all. I’ll include case studies from real people, who have gone from fearing what might happen if they are not perfect, to moving ahead, step by step, in the right direction and getting further than they ever dreamed possible.