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New Year, New You!   It’s a fun thought.

And…what if the CURRENT you, the “warrior” (Wisdom Warrior, perhaps?!)  who has “fought” through these last twenty months and come out the other side, is more than able to make 2022 better and brighter than the ones before….it without the pressure of that dreaded ‘mental makeover’ some people talk about?

Let’s give this a shot in 3 easy steps!

1. Pause. Breathe. Reflect: one of the biggest mistakes we tend to make when looking to the future is forgetting to really acknowledge and digest the past. In fact, some of us may be blindly trying to hide the past in the closet and never thinking about it again! The closet thought is also known as Avoidance. We are biologically programmed to stay away from “ick.” And it is not always in our best interest to do that.

So, as the New Year approaches, take a step back and give yourself time to process  the last twelve months (rather than dumping it all into a mental trashcan!) Ask those magic questions…what went well? Not as well? What might you do differently next time?

To really up your ante….be sure to come to the Vision 2022 workshop on Jan 3 where we will dive in deep and make clear steps.

2. Set goals: the quiet part of holidays is a perfect opportunity to take some time to look ahead and think about what we want to achieve in the year ahead. This can be anything from taking up a new hobby to finally reorganize the attic instead of putting it off for another year. And you know what’s even better? Getting bold enough to think much, much bigger.

Whatever it is you hope to do, one of the best things you can do to give yourself a head-start and set yourself up for success is to plan – and no, I don’t mean micromanaging every hour of 2022 before the clock strikes midnight on January 1^st!

Don’t plan just yet, though. Give yourself time to really reflect. Come to <<<VISION 2022>>> where will will go deep AND chunk down! Here is a bit of detail about breaking down:

Start by breaking your goals down into smaller chunks and allow yourself realistic amounts of time to achieve each of those chunks before moving on to the next one. Breaking these goals down into more easily managed puzzle pieces like this will enable you to see how they all fit together to create a bigger picture and give you the chance to adjust your plans accordingly to build a more achievable timeline that’s spread across the year.

3. Expect the unexpected: the last twenty months are absolute proof that life is always subject to change. Change is the only constant. It’s natural to feel some anxiety when it comes to these unexpected curveballs, and this anxiety can be overcome and/or CAPITALIZED UPON! The key is to Expect the Unexpected. Know it’s your friend, actually. Be SOOOO kind to yourself. Embrace “failure.”  Riding whatever wave picks you up for a little while -instead of trying to fight it – will find you landing in a better place even if it is different to the one you expected. Learn to trust even when you are scared out of your mind. It’ll get easier. The rewards are great.

The most important thing to take from this:

• You are enough;
• You are strong;
•  You can make 2022 what you wish it to be.

However, you must believe in yourself. When you find yourself doubting that, remember – ‘Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.’  Søren Kierkegaard.

And don’t forget to say Hell Yes to Vision 2022! You have the day off, what better way to kick off the year?!<< INFO /REGISTER HERE>>

With a global pandemic in play, this year has meant that many of us have had to reinvent our ways of working. When the world came to a standstill, we had to find a way to keep things ticking, so it hasn’t been an easy 20 months for many of us (lots of ups and downs, hope and continued sadness). So, with the holidays on the horizon, how do we handle the holiday blues? What can we reflect on from 2021 and take into 2022? How can we have a better, more productive year?

Let’s face it, there’s been a lot of “figuring things out”… and our patience and reserves are thin… so this new year, let’s focus on taking what we’ve learned to create a better, more productive year for 2022.

• Take the holiday break to disconnect – one thing I love about the early winter holidays is that generally most people are offline, spending time with family and loved ones – and this means you should be too! Take the time to fill your cups, catch up with people you haven’t seen in a long time, and treat yourself well.
• Plan to mindfully plan the New Year– after a break away, many of us can feel the urge to leap into the new year and tackle everything hands on. Rather than “ready, fire, aim”… take 90 minutes on the first MONDAY of the year (for some of us this is actually a holiday!) to AIM first.

JOIN me at Vision 2022!

• Have a plan – but not in the way you might be thinking. This workshop goes beyond “let’s get your calendar out.” We aim high, go deep, uncover what the TRUE reason is behind the inertia, and pop open new possibilities in a way that will shock, amaze, inspire and motivate you.

• BEFORE JANUARY 3: Take time to reflect on the past year. – We will not be meeting for the Whole Day. If we were, we would ABSOLUTELY begin with allowing the time and reflection needed to properly usher in the new year. So be sure to do this…soon.

I love spending time looking back on all the achievements from the year. With such busy lives, and the pull to be constantly “on the go”, it is likely that you’ve not even taken a moment this year to look at where you are, what you have achieved or the people you’ve met. Our minds are wired to focus on the “did not go as well” so focusing on your wins and collecting them all becomes a true game changer when  planning the year ahead.

• Trade Resolutions for Real Change – we’ve all been there, wanting to self-improve and change many things – all the things- going into the New Year. And, as you know, that just **does not work**. Our brains are not wired for Full Reset. Our calendars will not “magically empty” so that all these things have room to become part of the New You, even if we DID have a Full Reset Button. You can do something, right now, though. In addition to making a list of all your accomplishments thus far, pick one or two things that you would like to achieve, put a timeline against them and make a start before the year is up!

Remember, you are great. You are strong and everything you do, will move you towards a better version of yourself. Take this time to relax, replenish and refill your cups because as Nibo Quebein said “Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go. They merely determine where you start.”

Life moves quickly and life is intense. Living our life to the fullest is what I encourage people to do. However, this does not mean “fill your life.” When we find ourselves filling every gap of time we can with something, we are left feeling tired and in true need of a vacation. Add to that the uncertainties of the past year, and if you are taking in the notion of “uncertainty” you will need a break more than ever. But the reality is that January can sometimes be hard and the readjustment to business after a calm period can feel quite overwhelming for some.

So how can you beat the holiday blues and gain perspective to move forward?

1. Realize that it’s REALLY normal to feel holiday blues – let’s start with this one as for me, it’s the most important. Understanding your feelings is a sign of emotional intelligence and is a quality that all of us should work on. It’s totally normal to feel blue when life resumes itself to the normal chaos, especially when you scroll through Instagram and see others STILL on vacation – that’s all they seem to do right? And here you are, working away, in the same chair, at the same desk, drinking from the same coffee cup as last year. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself some time to reflect and let your emotions flow.
2. Listen to your mind and body – when was the last time you listened to that clever brain of yours? Did you listen when it was telling you to rest last year or take time out or did you just wait for your body to force you to do so? After a vacation this spring, I realized, when I totally melted down at the breakfast table, that I needed it more than I knew. Always giving from an empty vessel will not help you reach your true potential. Is it time to make a change and listen to your mind? Plotting a day in the near future for YOU, will give you something to look forward to and a change to refill your “tank” before it completely empties again. If you are giving yourself the opportunity to relax, reflect and enjoy yourself on a regular basis, the holiday blues won’t feel as intense when returning to normality.
3. Incorporate “vacation life” into your everyday – What is it that felt so good about your vacation this year? Was it the food? The extra rest? The catching up with people who you haven’t seen in a long time? Whatever it was that made you feel YOU again – add it into your weekly routine. Some years ago, a client visited Italy and loved the food! Nice, simple food that was to die for. Pasta, Pizza, and cheese – what more could you possibly want? Upon her return, she decided to add an Italian dish into her meal plan each month and with her partner, she relives all the fantastic moments she had there. Not only has it given her a way of reminiscing fabulous times, but also it has forced her to learn new skills and explore more adventurous recipes.
4. Unpack as soon as you get home and do a “spring clean” – we’ve all been there, living out of a suitcase for weeks after a vacation. The feeling of disorganization can leave us feeling overwhelmed, so unpack as soon as you can. Put that suitcase back in the attic ready for next time and have a general cleanup of your space so you can easily locate everything you need when starting back into your routine.

If there’s only one message you take away from here, allow it to be that being kind to yourself is absolutely crucial for getting over the holiday blues. We all get them, you are not alone and this will happen again but with finding ways like above to reduce them as much as we can will help us get set for the year ahead.

Being neurodivergent often means that organization and order can be more difficult than for others. However, this doesn’t mean that it’s not possible to have all your ducks in a row and be organized. Ever heard someone say, it might not look organized to you, but I know where everything is?. We are constantly watching how other people organize their lives, whether this be on social media with the lady who folds clothes into drawers Marie Kondo style-e or people packing their shopping at supermarket checkouts and this can lead us to feel unorganized, but I’ll let you in on a secret. No one is as organized as they appear.

Question: What can I do to find inspiration to get organized, find order and stop feeling shame?

Answer: disconnect. Set your own standards. Find what works for you.

Disconnect – it’s as simple as this. If what you see around you makes you feel guilty or overwhelmed, switch it off. Don’t watch it. Hasta luego, see you later. Remember that these people’s lives you are watching, most likely revolve around creating beautiful, calming content and organisation is their thing but it doesn’t mean you have the time, energy, or desire to be that organized. Most people aren’t, they just like to think they are.

Set your own standards and find what works for you – What level of organization do you require to feel in control of what’s going on around you? Find out what works for you and stick to it, forget what those around you do. One dear friend is the most organized person I’ve ever met. I’ve never seen her kitchen without a sparkle, or a paper out of place. In fact she has almost “no” paper. While I would love my house to look like this, it’s unrealistic. I don’t have the time or the energy (In line with most other people) and I’m okay with that. I’d need a full time maid, period…I love my creative genius flow and that is NOT linear!

Question: How can you gain trust in your ability to stay on top of everything?

Answer: be kind to yourself. Change your standards and then change them again. Give yourself grace and love! Trust in the process.

Being kind to yourself will always be top of the list and this applies to everyone, neurodivergent or not. With life coming at us thick and fast every day, it’s easy to lose track of where we are and feel like we are spinning all plates at one time. That’s okay. What is not okay is to feel guilty about it, feel ashamed or hide away from who you are.

Adjust your standards and then do it again. You won’t be able to keep on top of everything, it’s virtually impossible. Even high-powered executives with full time personal assistants let the ball drop sometimes, it’s just the way it is. Levelling the gap between expectation and reality will reduce feelings of guilt and shame. Set standards too “high” (perfectionism, anyone?) will only enhance these feelings.

Trust in the process. Make a process a habit, do it repeatedly, not matter how long it takes you and eventually in will become second nature. Make a habit of putting clothes away as they come out of the dryer, putting your coffee mug in the dishwasher, or simply filing that email as it comes in.

Question: I need to find the silver lining to my superpowers, but how?

Answer: Evaluate what you can do that others can’t. Do something at least once a day that reminds you how good you are, something that sparks you joy.

Evaluate what you can do that others can’t. Everybody is different and this is such a fantastic thing. Can you imagine how boring the world would be if we were all the same? There is also so much to be gained by being different and you may often find that people request your help with things that come naturally to you but not to them and vice versa. So ask your friends what you are great at! An effective way of reminding yourself of how good you are is by writing down three positive things that have happened at the end of each day.

Do something at least once a day that reminds you how good you are, something that sparks you joy. Allow yourself to be great. Sometimes we get stuck, like a hamster, in the wheel of “doing” and forget that it’s okay to simply be ourselves. Take time each day to do something that fills your soul, that you enjoy and allow yourself to reflect on your qualities.

I’ll leave this one as food for thought “the hardest step she ever took was to blindly trust in who she was” – Atticus –

When things don’t go as planned, we can resist the very thing that may be the most helpful. A debrief, otherwise known as hindsight analysis can be absolute GOLD in the Failure Process. However, more often than not, people resist this routine. Fear of feeling stupid can lurk behind this omission.

The key to combatting guilt is to understand that it’s not possible to control everything around us. Often, things will happen that can leave us feeling “stupid”, guilty or with a sense of shame hanging over us but what can we do to remedy these feelings or at least reduce them to a level that doesn’t take over our whole being and end up consuming us?

If you don’t feel naturally organized, even if you have read lots of books, you may have some questions!

Question: Is there something wrong with me?

Answer: In short, no. Try looking at what you can easily do those others can’t first and you’ll realize there’s nothing wrong with you.

Firstly, take the phrase “If only I had…” out of your dictionary. If you were to take some time to reflect on each action over the course of the day, without a doubt, there will be things that you could have done differently, more efficiently or more effectively but it’s important to remember that you are where you are, and those moments have passed. It’s possible that those impulse moments, led to a positive outcome or the day may have looked different.

The analogy that explains this best is the traffic jam. Have you ever found yourself at standstill on a busy road only to think, If only I had left 10 minutes earlier…” but like most things, the traffic jam was unpredictable and having these thoughts are actually not helpful at all and only contribute to feelings of shame and guilt?

Remember YOU are your hardest critic– even when you feel incredibly stupid, guilty, or shameful, the likelihood is that you are the only one to have noticed that. A bit like going to the gym, you feel exposed, and you feel like everyone is watching you but in reality, everyone has their own issues and things to deal with and are unlikely to even notice you or what you are doing.

Question: Does neurodivergent mean you can’t operate in the “real world”?

Answer: Carl Jung once said “The shoe that fits one person, pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.

Different doesn’t mean worse. Different means different. For the neurodivergent of the world, I recommend that you STOP the  constant comparison to others, and START  being kind to yourself as a norm.

Don’t forget that everyone operates within their own capabilities and just because your brain operates differently than many people you see around you, it certainly doesn’t mean you are any less capable. Do you find yourself asking,  “what’s wrong with me”? If you are nodding when reading this, then you have spent too much time focusing on the negative aspects of your persona. What is it that you can do easily that others can’t? Are you able to make intuitive and quick decisions where friends go over and over something before reaching that exact same conclusion? Different doesn’t mean worse. Different means different. Rather than kicking yourself for your differences, try honoring them. They are, in fact, your superpower.

Question: Is there a connection between procrastination and shame?

Answer: Yes, they are closely linked.  The behaviors that characterize Neurodivergence, are often confused with problematic behaviors which can quickly contribute to feelings of shame and guilt. In a society that runs at a million miles an hour, if we’re not always thriving or achieving, we feel like we are failing, procrastinating and this leads to feelings of shame and guilt, but don’t forget, that from procrastination, some of the best ideas have been born. The most creative minds operate at full pace when given time to procrastinate, to question and just let the mind wander. So why are we wired to feel ashamed of procrastination? Even those who say they don’t, procrastinate because we are only human at the end of the day and sometimes, we just need a break.

To love ourselves, we must accept that we are all different and we must learn to operate together, in independence.

We all have goals in life, both big and small, but how many of us set and consciously work on achieving those goals? We admire those who set goals for themselves and meet them, not only do they do it once, they tend to do it over and over again! This could be YOU, if that’s something you really want and you’re willing to work at it. No one said it would be easy, but they didn’t say it was impossible either. What is it that you really want? What do you have to do to get there? Like most high achievers, you’ll find that “achieving” is a mindset, a lifestyle almost. That once you check off one goal, you’ll be searching for what’s next.

So, what are the secrets of these high achievers? Is it just luck? Do they have a process? What can you do daily that will push you forwards and help you thrive?

1. Make a decision: rule number one of achieving is that you can’t achieve what you don’t know. Clearly define what it is you are looking to achieve and set a timeline against it. Quantify the goal so that it’s easy to determine whether and when you reach the target. For example, “I want to sell X number of products each day.”, when you hit this target consistently, you know your goal will have been met and you can move to the next “to achieve” on your list. Frustration comes from vague goal setting where a goal is not measurable. Reverting back to creating a SMART goal may seem a bit of an old school way of doing things now, but it’s still the best way to see results.
2. Stay focused: learning to control your mind can be tricky at the best of times but training your mind not to wander, to stay focused on the journey, the small wins of each day and of the outcome will allow you to reach your goal more efficiently. If you are like many, you will have 1000 new ideas every day and will have to work very hard to get into the habit of asking yourself whether that idea contributes to the bigger picture. Does realizing that idea take me closer to where I want to be? If the answer is no, then it should be parked and if yes, look at how it can be incorporated into the wider plan. Know your limitations, you may be a high achiever, but you are also only human. Rest when your body requires it, switch off when your mind requests it and create balance where possible.
3. Get familiar with consistency and persistency:  Consistency, I believe, comes as part of your genes. I know many people who are naturally consistent and consistently do things in moderation. They plug away each day and get stuff done. Others, and more common, will do things to extremes. They will diet for 3 weeks and then not consider what they are eating for the next 3 and will yoyo between all or nothing. If this, is you, do not despair, consistency can be self-taught and should be practiced, daily. At first it won’t come naturally but over time, I can guarantee it will get easier as you create consistent habits, so stay focused. Persistency is one that is a little less comfortable for most, as it can often mean making contact with someone over and over again, chipping away each day at the same brick before making a breakthrough but for me, consistency and persistency are key to achieving what it is you want.

There are many “secrets” or traits of being a high achiever but one thing that you can do EVERY DAY is bring yourself back to the bigger picture, the WHY of what you are doing. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day, in the micro activities and once you lose sight of why you are doing what you are doing, it’s very easy to lose track of what you are doing. So, at the beginning and the end of each day, remind yourself of why and make a plan for the day of HOW to will tackle it. Believe in you, you can do this. You can achieve what you’ve always dreamed of – YOU are your only barrier.

And to remind you of this, I leave you with this quote: Every achiever that I have ever met says, ‘My life turned around when I began to believe in me’.

Robert H. Schuller