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It’s the end of January. You’ve started new things. You might be running into a lot of bumps in the road that you don’t see with your eyes. Stuff’s coming in and it’s not as easy as you thought it would be to carry out the changes that you so desperately want. 

There is a much easier way to get these things accomplished than you may imagine. Allow me to introduce a concept to you…. radical self-acceptance.

When you implement the 4 tips below for radical self-acceptance – watch how life just gets easier. (How does this work? Ooooh it’s juicy!) This works BELOW THE SURFACE-  which can be what’s “below the surface of you”, not allowing you to reach your goal or your dream, or New Year Intention.

• Slow down when you hear that judgment. It could sound like ‘What makes you think you’re going to be any different this time?’ ‘You’ve tried this before’, ‘You’re no good at ….’ – so slow down and remember to notice those things because those are simply voices in your head. You are allowed to detach yourself from them.
• Know that something that you call a setback is really just information. Here’s the scenario: we start going towards a new goal to do a new thing that we’ve never done, we end up with a few bumps in the road, we navigate them, but then we get to this place where it really feels like a setback. For example, you were trying to start a new course and trying to fill a room with people but the people all backed out, and you’re like, ‘well, crap! What happens now?’ And you can call that a setback, but can also call it information. And I know that can be a tough concept. Remember, the more you do it, the better it is because then you can then say, ‘okay, hang on. That’s information. What do I do with that information?’ Now YOU are in charge.

Keep reading or watch the video instead

• Stop comparing yourself to other people. Are you hearing yourself say, “ I should be further along?”  ‘You know, I started this time management system and by now I should have done x, y, z and I should be this, and I should be that’. And that’s a comparison. In some cases, it’s comparing yourself not to a PERSON but to your own unrealistic (and often fuzzy and ill defined) standard. In this situation, I recommend you slow down and ask yourself:  ‘hang on, what is going well? What do I have to offer here?’ – and then do that. 
• Lean into the things that you know work. Remembering this is tough – remembering that you are truly in control of your thoughts. While  you are not directly in control of your thoughts that happen in the primitive brain, you are in control of your thoughts that happen in the cerebral cortex, and  in the prefrontal cortex. You can proactively decide, from the “thinking” part of your brain (the cortexes) to now access the primitive part (where all those naysayer voices live.) You can access  the primitive brain with modalities such as  hypnosis, tapping, brain spotting, EDMR, and Havening. Accessing your subconscious, where all these voices actually live, is the key to the kingdom.

And last but not least, I have a bonus tip for you.

Mel Robbins has a great book with a simple and powerful system called the High Five Habit. Every morning you wake up and you high five yourself in the mirror and you feel better about yourself. Nobody’s out there looking at you, nobody’s judging you. Try it!

In conclusion, I would love you to let me know – which of these tips resonated with you the most? What is the one baby step you’re going to take to get back on your road, to do whatever it is you said that you wanted to do this month? I can’t wait to hear it!

Over and out…until next Sunday. And don’t forget, Wisdom Warriors (the free monthly zoom I do where you have a rare chance to be coached by me for completely free!) is Mon FEB 6 from 12 noon to 1pm EST. Sign up HERE if you are not part of the group! 

What lights your fire?

Let me ask you these questions (in full transparency, this came from Michael Bungee Stainer, who I follow regularly): 

• What fills your cup? 
• What lights your fire? 
• What gets your disco ball rolling? 

You’re a disco glitter ball spinning. Let’s start with what do we love to do – like what do we love? Once we determine what we love, what really gets our disco ball spinning, then it’s time to determine how that relates to our 2023 intention. Remember the beginning of this month? I know by now lots of people have already given up their resolutions or are already telling themselves it’s not possible.

I’m here to tell you…”it” absolutely IS POSSIBLE!

 And the secret to getting there is to:

1, Realize that “it” has to be a disco ball. It has to be thrilling. It has to be daunting and a little bit overwhelming. It also has to be important. Being thrilling, I find, is probably the most important thing because you know what? It might not be EASY. You probably guessed that. You may have tried to do something before and said, “well, geez, I can’t get TOO committed to it (that future condition) because if I fail and I’m committed to it, oh my God, now I’m a failure, right?” 

Is that you…saying that inside your head? If so, know that it’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. And, if you allow yourself that “trap door to bail out” those gremlins (the ones who tell you “don’t commit! you might fail!” come in the trap door and they start pulling you in and start saying “See, I told you, you aren’t going to make it. It’s a good thing you left the trap door open, because now you’re safe” But are you safe? Not if you truly wish to make the change you say you want to do…

Getting ourselves to decide to do something different, allowing ourselves to actually do the thing that lights up our glitter disco ball (they do call me Disco Carol, by the way!) is a really big deal because the rest of us are droning around, walking aroun….day in and day out, complaining, doing the same old thing with the same old people, getting the same old results, thinking that there’s no way it could possibly get any better. Because if you stick your neck out, it might fall off, get chopped off, get burned, whatever it is, because we get outside of our comfort zone, right? 

I’m here to dispel the myth that nothing different can happen. In fact, I know that nothing different will happen without you making the decision to do something different. And the only way you’re going to make a decision to do something different is to make sure the thing you want is thrilling, important AND daunting.  I find that of those, the most important part is what lights you up; what makes your soul just absolutely turn on fire. 

Another name I’ve been called is “Cindra -the Goddess of Fire”. Of course, I’m also the Green Goddess of Productivity, love, light, miracles and all that jazz too. But, really…I am fiery. So I want you to borrow my fire. If you’re not feeling real fiery right now, it’s okay. Maybe tomorrow. But when you are ready to light your own fire, please contact me- because the world needs you. The world needs people that light up disco balls and get on fire and do things that nobody has the guts to do. And I am with you on that. 

Let me know one thing that lights you up that you’re a little scared to say out loud (but you’re going to whisper it). 

Happy 2023.

I have a bold question for you today: 

What if the question is not “why am I so infrequently the person I want to be” but rather “why am I so infrequently wanting to be the person I really am?” 

Wow. Now there’s a question. 

Victoria Lebalme, Risk Forward. That’s where that question came from. I’m on her email list. Email lists are a good thing when you belong to cool email lists. (Note, I’ll be starting a Daily Email Option sometime in the next month or so…stay tuned.)

The question about wanting to be the person I really am reminds me of something that came up on Monday in my Kick Off 2023 Right workshop. (yes you can buy the workshop for ¼ of the price – recorded with the workbook too when you follow that link!) When we look ahead, we want to look at goals and things that we don’t have now.

So of course, we considered that, and more importantly, we looked at where and what we want to be as our future self.  During that time, I expressed that that future self is actually just us…unpeeled. 

This quote from Victoria actually says the same thing, and she talks about desire, too. Like “Why do I not want to be me?” There’s lots of reasons for that, and I’d love for you to let me know what’s getting in your way.  What I’ve experienced from the people that I work with is sometimes 

-we don’t even know who we are 

-or what we are, 

-or what we want.

In fact, we don’t even think to “know to want” because we’re so busy out there doing what we need to do, trying to keep everybody else happy, trying to keep up with our commitments, trying not to rock the boat, trying not to muddy the waters, ruin the process, ruffle any feathers, buck the system, etc. WE make sure that everybody else is good, right?

We can be  a martyr, of sorts: falling on the sword. We can be that people pleaser, be that giver and then get resentful. Because the truth is, that’s exhausting. 

I’m here to turn that around with you. And the way to turn that around, the first step, is to go ahead and watch the workshop from Monday 1/9.  It’s the next step, when you’re ready to have real results like this is a great start. When you go through the process with the group, and work through the workbook, you will be set up to receive the same results as they do, as long as you move through it the same way. 

After this step, you’ll want to take action. Is that you? This is your sign. I have one spot left in my Discover Your Greatness through the Productivity Success Cake Process group coaching, doors close tomorrow (Monday) at Midnight Eastern.

It’s one thing to have intentions, and it’s really important to have that deep why. And it’s really important to have that deep understanding. And as important is to take action, because being in action stops that inertia and that inertia is what’s holding us back. 

In fact, I was talking to a person in my community just the other day, and that person was saying “It’s not that I don’t know about this stuff. It’s that when I sit down to do my work, I have a great deal of flexibility. And I have to decide, do I do this task? Do I do that task? Do I do another task? I have piles. I have emails, I have voice messages, I have people coming in, I’m an executive. (You know, it’s not like this person isn’t successful, it’s just there’s so much coming in at this person, and that’s common.) 

If you are heading this and thinking “how is she in my head,” then it’s time, my friend. If not now, when?

One seat left. Just one. I accept a maximum of 8 people, no exceptions.

It’s time to join the group coaching that I am starting on Thursday  January 19.  Doors close for registration at midnight Eastern on Monday so you don’t have a lot of time.

You will work through those kinds of processes that I just described, such as:

“What do I say no to at this very moment so that I can say yes to this priority?”

“How do I prioritize in general?”

“How do I get out of analysis paralysis?”

 I was talking to someone last week, and she wasn’t sure. She was starting to get tangled up in he future.

What if she receives a new job during this group course? What if there is a time conflict?

Answer: we will address this if such a “problem” arises (if it’s the job she wants…it’ll be a GREAT problem to have!)

Analysis paralysis will never get anywhere. What we need to do is:

– dive into our Future You and 

-trust the universe, 

unpeel the stuff that isn’t working for you. 

-Be bold, 

– hold the hands of the other people that are walking this walk with you,

– say ‘no’ to those tasks and those things that are not supporting that vision of that Future You.  

CAUTION

It may sound easy, and the truth is it’s not easy. One woman was in my Discover Your Greatness through the Productivity Success Cake group coaching a couple of years ago had been trying to move for five years out of her current home. 

She had piles of paper, she had ‘stuff’ and she had stopped exercising. She had gained a bunch of weight. She used to be really active and outdoorsy. She wasn’t being “her” anymore. Through the PRODUCTIVITY SUCCESS CAKE  process, she not only started to walk again and started to feel good about herself, but she was able to move!. TODAY SHE LIVES IN A BEAUTIFUL TOWNHOME ON THE OCEAN! 

She was able to declutter -she hadn’t been able to do that in five years. If you can resonate with that (being bogged down by clutter) please consider what might happen by April 30th when you say YES to the group opportunity that expires tomorrow.

Or, perhaps you resonate with strongly desiring to make more money. Another participant (from last year), made more money last year than she had in the last 38 years and it exceeded the income of her long term spouse. THIS HAD LITERALLY *NEVER* HAPPENED in their 38 years of marriage. If you want those results, then you want to consider joining me on the 19th. I have one seat open for the right person.

In closing, please start loving exercise, start giving yourself permission, move house, make more money than your spouse, say ‘no’ to things that don’t serve. You have so much fun. Dance and enjoy, because why wouldn’t you? 

It’s 2023, it’s a new start and there’s a lot of crap going on in the world, and there’s a recession. 

So let’s hold hands. Let’s walk through this together because the people that succeed in that recession see the long view and are consistent. 

I am so excited to be your guide!

Procrastination…..

This is something that so many people tell me that they want to reduce or eliminate. In fact, my own son had this cute little sign that his girlfriend gave him in high school, and it says ‘I put the pro in procrastinate’. We like to joke about it.

It’s something that everybody wants – to lose 10 pounds and stop procrastinating, right? Today I want to talk to you about an unusual way to achieve this. 

We’re going to dial it down to the root cause: fear. Carl Jung said “where your fear is, there is your task”. You can read on, or watch the video.

What is behind procrastination?

Uncertainty, or a lack of clarity. Behind that lack of clarity is usually fear. Fear catapults us into action, and it also stops us in our tracks. Fear is based in the reptilian brain, not the cerebral cortex. We can’t talk ourselves out of fear. In a battle, your reptilian brain, your brain stem, will always win because the brain really wants you to stay alive. That’s why you can’t “logic” yourself out of something that’s scaring you to death. 

But there are things you can do. You can move the needle forward slowly so that your reptilian brain doesn’t go to ‘alert, alert, alert, you’re going to die!’ How about some real examples?  I was thinking back into certain situations where I was procrastinating- based on fear. 

First of all, when you notice yourself procrastinating, you really want to ask what it’s all about. Don’t beat yourself up and say “Oh my God, there I go again, procrastinating”. Rather, ask yourself,  “what is it all about?”  I remember a couple of years ago, I really procrastinated about going on ‘Obamacare’ and it was because I had this fear that I couldn’t afford the health insurance that I wanted and that I’d be out on the street and that my chronically ill son would not be able to be taken care of. That’s a pretty big fear.  And what I did was I did it anyway. I was scared to death, absolutely frightened beyond belief, but I did it. And this year in the same way, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but the difference is that I’ve done some deep work and I know that I will figure myself out. I will apply and we’ll see if we get health insurance; we’ll see what happens. We might get rejected, but I know that I’m not going to die. I know that it’ll all work out because I’ve experienced it working out. 

What about when you haven’t experienced it working out? That’s pretty scary. The only thing you have is what hasn’t worked out before – so most of the time we procrastinate. We don’t make decisions, and we fear the future because the only truth we have is the past, which hasn’t worked out. So, we say “well shoot, if it hasn’t worked out before, whatever, I want this, but I don’t ever believe it’s going to come because it hasn’t worked out in the past, and that’s my only proof.” Then it doesn’t work out. Then we prove ourselves right, because it hasn’t worked out before.  So, I’m inviting you to  use my example until you have “proof” of your own success.

The other example where I was procrastinating  was buying a house. I was scared to death to buy a house. I thought I couldn’t afford it. What about if something went wrong, who’s going to help me? And when I made the decision to buy that house, the right things came together. The DECISION (in the face of fear…not because the fear went away) allowed things to fall into place.

So, borrow my courage and know that it’s true. You can achieve things that you don’t really think you can. The things you are procrastinating about.

I’ve got you. Reach out!

I was musing about some of my current clients and their challenges with hitting their Dream Goals and “managing their time.” Read on and see what may apply to you (or watch the video)

Are you a high performer? 

Are you kind of ‘go’ like all of the time?

You might call yourself ‘type A’ – you get a lot done.  You’ve got a lot going on and there’s more.  Maybe you have some passion projects: missions that you want to achieve, but you get a lot done and actually you secretly fear that if you were to figure out how to make time in your day to do that ‘big thing’ that you might become burned out or fear being burned out. And you probably fear that with good reason. It’s because you know how hard you’ve worked over the years to achieve the level of success you’ve got today.

And how could you possibly do it (get to your dream mission)? You say, “well, I just need better time management. I’m good, but boy, I better need better time management”. Well, I’m going to take issue with this because I actually don’t completely believe that that’s all you need. 

Let me tell you a story about some people that I’ve been working with that are in that situation. They want to do these passion projects. They have successful businesses and they want to get to their next level. And I am taking that time management thinking and turning it on its head.  I am going to guess about you. I’m going to guess that you and I are “one of those people”.  The Achievers. Here is the advice. What you have to do is slow down to speed up. I know you’ve heard it before and you think, ‘yeah, yeah, no, no’ – so bear with me.  

The fact that you need to do something different is the reason why you might be resisting the idea that you need to slow down. So if you say “yes, I want to do something different, and I am 100% committed to that, I rate as a 10/10  to go to my next level!” Well, here’s what happens – I am working with people right now, they’re in this situation and when we talk about slowing down, discerning what we really want, going deep, allowing stillness, and… it becomes very uncomfortable. And when things become uncomfortable, we start telling ourselves stories.

Stories like “this is not for me, this doesn’t work for me. I can’t meditate, I can’t sit in stillness, I just can’t. I have to keep going. It works for me. It’s always worked for me before”. And that’s what we tell ourselves. My response to this is:

1. You did say you were a 10/10 in wanting something different that you haven’t been able to get to – and you probably know in the back of your mind that some version of this stillness, some version of this slowing down is actually good for you. But yet doing the thing is so jarring because you’ve been going, going, going for so long.  What is uncomfortable is being in the discomfort of quiet. It’s like jumping in a bucket of cold water. It’s shocking to the system and your nervous system.  Your sympathetic nervous system is saying, “no, this isn’t safe.  We have got to go back to where we’re just really busy. This quietness is not okay!” – but it actually is – so know that you’re smarter than your nervous system in this case. 
2. Before, your monkey mind was way up here (your mind). If you just go down to here (your heart), that’s progress. What we high performers do is we expect if we are here (head) that the only piece that’s okay is if we go down here (heart). Well, that’s not true because if you just keep notching it down, eventually your sympathetic nervous system will become more tuned in with stillness. And the more stillness you then have, the more open you become to those possibilities that are literally right in front of you. Because all of our possibilities are literally right in front of us; most of the time we just don’t see them.

There’s helpers around us, there’s angels around us. My glasses, I may have told you before, were lost for a year – and they were right underneath my recliner all that time.  There I was- laying on my yoga mat -and all I had to do was look over in a moment of stillness and see them. So when we’re so busy, we simply don’t see what is right in front of us. You can outsmart your sympathetic nervous system. Accept that going from 100 to 99 is progress and is just okay. It is totally okay. And know that the more you do it, the more you practice, you really and truly will find possibilities beyond your wildest dreams so that you don’t have to be under that constant pressure to do more, to perform more, to create and to produce. 

Because here’s the truth. 

When you have that big mission, when you allow yourself to slow down enough to feel into that big mission, what’ll happen is you will start getting motivated right off off the charts and you won’t feel burned out because you will be so filled up by that mission that it will fuel you in such a way that you won’t feel burned out.

So let me know what you think of this (comment below) and how you might try to practice 

slowing down

just 

a little 

bit. 

I have been asked to do a webinar on effective self-management, which will be happening on November 14th at 1:00 PM EST through www.lorman.com. You may be wondering…who cares if you manage yourself effectively, right? It’s something that nobody really thinks about. You get up in the morning, you do your routine, whatever that is. Maybe you exercise, maybe you have your coffee, maybe you do both of those things. Maybe you run out the door, maybe you read a book, maybe you bring your kids to school and you’re just kind of doing your thing, right? So what you’re probably not thinking about is “wow, if I manage myself a little more effectively, I could get more of what I want.” Because the truth of the matter is most people actually don’t think about what they want, they’re moving through life, doing the best they can, or maybe not even doing the best they can. They’re just doing something. So today I want to talk to you a little bit about what it is and why it matters. And if you want to learn more about this, in much more detail, come along to the webinar.

Before we get started, let’s address decisions. Decisions are a big deal. Lots of times, my clients tell me that they experience ‘analysis paralysis’. Those same people typically pride themselves on being analysts. Isn’t that interesting? Those same people will say “Well, all my analysis has brought me to this success I see right now”. Isn’t that interesting?  I ask, I wonder… at what cost? For example, are you really stressed out? Are you really living the life you want? Are you really managing yourself effectively? Or are you running from thing to thing to thing…trying to keep up with that influx that’s coming at you all the time. Could you manage yourself differently, proactively make decisions more quickly and effectively?

Lots of people don’t want to make decisions unless they are analyzed in duplicate, triplicate, quadruple.  And every decision means you must say no to something else. That can be really scary because most of the time people don’t want to say no to something else. They just want to fit more in. And when they try to fit in more, then they get overwhelmed and overloaded and they think they need better time management, which is true. But you can’t manage clutter, you can’t organize clutter, and you can’t manage something that is too much for you.

So then what?

So then it’s better to subtract. Get really good at managing what you’re doing FIRST, and THEN add more on. Every decision that you make  means you say no to something else, and then every decision you make actually gets you closer to what you want because as you make decisions and you get that momentum, what happens is you’ll actually start to say “no” when it’s not working, because your body and your mind will start getting used to this idea of making decisions and therefore making it better. The webinar is highly correlated to my Productivity Success Cake.  In that webinar we will  nail down what you really want and why and then go through, layer by layer, how to tap into each layer in a way that will then harken back to what it is you said you wanted. Now this process, while you may have gone through it before, is a process that you’re wise to go through over and over again. And the reason that it’s so helpful to go through over and over again is that we get better at managing ourselves. And just like a mountain (if you’ve ever climbed a mountain) you get to that first peak and you think… boy, oh boy, that was big!  You sit down, you have a snack, have some water, rest, and then you look and there’s another peak. Now you can choose to go back down the mountain. You don’t need to do that other peak that time, but you can also choose to say “Hmm, yeah, you know what? I think I’m up for that next peak” and it’s a continual improvement process. Your self management is best served by always going to your next level. Yes, it’s important to stop and celebrate, like the top of the Productivity Success Cake. You want to celebrate, you want to enjoy and digest – and then you’ll come to that moment of “All right, I’m ready for that next level.”

I have several clients, for example, who’ve taken the Productivity Success Cake group coaching course multiple times. And every single time what happens is they get new ideas, they go to their next level, they become even better at whatever it is.  Sometimes they’ve fallen off the wagon and their health layer is a little unstable – so it gives you that opportunity to come back. So, if you feel that before the end of the year, you really want to look at your self management and that you want to give that your attention, then I’d say consider it and take a look at the details and go from there.

And please let me know what piece of self-management you would like to work on before the end of the year – because you still have close to 60 days left.

Comment below and let me know!

Or you can email me at carol@eps-time.com.