Author: Carol Williams

Categories
Decluttering Get Organized Organization Planning Positive Thinking

From Scattered To Serene – How to change the habits of a lifetime

Some people are chronically disorganized.  For them, life pretty much resembles the college dorm of years gone, except now, instead of laundry littering the floor, dirty plates and study books, it’s their kids’ “stuff”, work papers and, oh wait…the laundry is still there. Please know that “neat” does NOT equal “organized.” But there is definitely some cross-over.

There comes a time when disorganization will catch up with you. In business, that late payment because you lost the payment slip could have disastrous effects.  That missed meeting could have been a great new contract, and in your personal life you might never get another chance to make those particular memories.

But, while a certain amount of disorganization can be kind of “cute”, if you live your entire life in this manner, you could be stifling any kind of growth, whether business or personal.

But, fear not!  Here are my 3 top tips to reining the chaos in and being the paragon of serenity (at least some of the time, at least)

1. Get to the root of the problem.

Before you stock pile sticky notes and download a multitude of apps, you need to ask yourself, “Why?”  Why are you disorganized?  What has triggered this situation?  It could be something from your childhood – perhaps your parents lived life in this manner, or it could be the influence of a partner, or ex-partner, years ago.  Examinining the root cause of habitual behaviour that does not serve you is invaluable. For some, it may be that you procrastinate as a result of feeling overwhelmed.  In some cases, when we feel like there are just too many options open, or too many tasks requiring our attention, it is easier to do nothing than it is to tackle them head on. Once you have understood your particular trigger, you can look at ways of “re-booting” that belief or behavior.

2. Surround yourself with organized people.

It’s so much harder to go against the grain when you surround yourself with super-organized types.  Believe me, their habits will start to rub off on you! As you see them easily locate their credit card statement and you know you’d still be shuffling papers frantically searching for yours, so you begin to see how much easier life could be.  These “neat ninjas” can also be a really great resource for you, too.  Ask that co-worker for her tips on managing your emails or call in a favor and get help with sorting your closet. 

3. Declutter to De-Stress.

Have you ever had to use brute force to close that closet drawer or to fit another coat hanger in? Do you really need to keep every single work of art Junior did in first grade? Be accountable for all your clutter and make a commitment to de-clutter every three months.  Donate, destroy and recycle your way to a clutter-free environment.  “I might need that one day” is not a good enough reason to keep something.  Be ruthless – if it’s not there, it can’t clutter.  Allow yourself one box of sentimental stuff – you’ll have fun deciding which items get to go in the box and you’ll know exactly where those precious memories are when you want to revisit them.  Once you have cleared the decks, make sure everything left has a place and is kept in that place. 

Finally, while it’s great to be organized, remember to be kind to yourself.  This kind of change can be intimidating and just a little bit overwhelming.  Don’t beat yourself up because you’re not perfect; cut yourself a break!  Even a small change can be a positive move in the right direction and if you follow these tips, the new, organized version of yourself could be closer than you think.

In my next blog, we will be looking at further practical steps to get you that de-cluttered mindset.  So, stay tuned!

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Categories
Balance Boundaries Confidence Growth

How to say NO clearly and comfortably

In our last blog post, we talked about the reasons why you should say NO sometimes and how that little word can help you gain clarity in your own goals.

In this post, we’re going to look at key ways that you can say no and mean no, but do it kindly, too.

1. No excuses.

It’s often the prevarication around the word NO that causes all the problems.  Because we feel uncomfortable in refusing a request, we often feel we need to provide excuses or beat around the bush, rather than plainly saying “no”.  It’s this evasion that provides the window of opportunity for others to mistake our NO for a YES and, before we know, we’ve agreed to the request we were hell-bent on refusing!

Instead, just be straight.  Don’t stall or hesitate.  Your refusal is enough.  You can offer a brief explanation if you wish, but don’t feel duty-bound to.  Be assertive, yet courteous.  A response along the lines of, “I’m sorry, I can’t right now, let me come back to you when and if I can” resets the power dynamic in the conversation, putting you in control.

2. Boundaries are there for a reason.

Your personal boundaries are set by you and give you the best compass of whether you should say yes or no to a request.  How will the other person feel if you say no?  By looking at, and understanding, the dynamics of your relationship with them, you will see that a good relationship can withstand your refusal to one task.  If you feel the relationship will suffer by your refusal, then surely that says more about your relationship than anything else?

3. Put yourself first.

Be firm in your refusal.  Don’t feel compelled to say yes simply because the other person won’t like a refusal.  It’s essential you put your needs first.  If you constantly try and please all of the people all of the time, you’ll simply end up pleasing no one!  In order to be the best version of yourself, you need time and space to grow and this means having the wherewithal to say NO when that request takes you too far off your own track.  Besides, in order to give to others, you need to have something to give, so feel comfortable in saying no.

In summary, remember that YOU come first.  Don’t feel bad about furthering your own success by saying NO to others. 

You’ll often find that a firm, polite NO will increase the other person’s respect for you and allow them to see things from your perspective. 

Go on, give it a try!

Categories
Balance Confidence Goal Setting Time strategies

3 ways to make sure your “No” is not hurting you

Picture the scenario: You’re at the office water cooler, when a colleague breezes by and adopts that puppy-dog expression, which signals they want something.  As it turns out, “something” has come up and they can no longer do the presentation at the department meeting on Friday.  Would you mind taking over?

You have no background on the task.  You are snowed under with your own work and yet, instead of refusing, you hear a voice say

“Sure! Happy to help”…

Sound familiar?

It’s happened to us all.  That conviction that we would rather inconvenience ourselves than we would let anyone else down.  We just don’t like feeling we’re the bad guy (or gal) and feel guilty over prioritizing our own wishes and wellbeing.

But, I’m here to show you why it’s okay to say “NO” and how you can do so and still sleep at night.  Here goes:

1. How saying NO to others is really saying YES to yourself.

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.” ~ Paolo Coelho

Let me ask you a question. When you take a look at your to-do list, how many of the things on that list are for you and how many for someone else?  Sure, it’s nice to be needed, but doing too much for others not only leaves the situation open to abuse, and can also leave you over-extended, while you rush to fulfil those obligations or responsibilities – and even resentful, with no “you” time left in the day.

That’s not to say that you should point-blank refuse to help anyone.  The key is one little word: discernment and learning to say ‘no’ when it means saying ‘yes’ to yourself.  Practising discernment is key to building and maintaining those healthy boundaries that we have discussed in previous blog posts. Ask yourself, will saying YES to any request will get you nearer to your own goals and success, or will you simply be helping someone else get nearer their own?

2. What to do if you’re not sure what you’re saying YES to.

Again, we’ve probably all been in a situation where we have put our own agenda to one side and picked up a task for someone else, only to find that the task is WAY BIGGER than we originally thought (or were led to believe) and how does that make us feel?  Resentful? Put-upon? Stressed?  Check, check and check. 

Communication is key here.  Never be afraid to ask those “stupid” questions and check the fine details of the task ahead.  After all, if you’re going out of your way to pick up a job that is someone else’s responsibility, the least they can do is ensure you’re fully armed with the information and equipment you need to succeed.  It’s perfectly okay to ask for further clarification before you decide whether to accept or decline a request, too.  Far better to have clarity before you decide than to say “yes” blindly.  It’s perfectly acceptable to request time to consider your answer too.  “Let me check and get back to you” is all you need to say.  No need for reasons, but this magic little phrase will also give you the option to refuse without looking/feeling bad.  “I’m sorry, I checked my diary and I have something else on.” lets you off the hook pain-free.

3. Getting comfortable with NO

How can one little word make us squirm so hard?  If you want to get comfortable with saying no, then you first need to gain clarity in defining what you’re comfortable saying yes to and, conversely, what you feel better saying no to.  This is your life, your agenda, your needs and desires we’re talking about people! If you want to lead the life you want, then getting comfortable with aligning others’ requests with your own goals is paramount.  If you’re still unsure about saying no, give it a practice.  Think of one small thing that you can say NO to and give it a whirl.  Try it out and get some balance back in your life.

Hopefully, the look at the bigger picture of why it’s okay to say no sometimes will help you to achieve success in your own life. Remember that saying NO to others may allow you to say YES to yourself!

In our next blog, we’re going to be looking at some ways to say NO without upsetting anyone, without feeling guilty ourselves and without losing friends!

—

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Categories
Balance

Counter-intuitive thoughts that will change your notion of balance

In our last blog, we looked at 4 simple ways to improve your life-balance, that were easily incorporated into reallife. We learned that there isn’t a one size fits all definition of life balance and now, we’re going to delve deeper into your individual notion of balance.

1. What Balance Really Means

What does balance mean to you?  If you defined this for yourself, then asked anyone else the same question, there might be areas of commonality, but the answers would generally be very different, reflecting your different ages, life-stages or even upbringing.

Life balance is a fluid concept; it’s going to change, depending upon the circumstances we find ourselves in.  Wrongly, we often associate life-balance solely with financial/material gain or success at work, “When I get my raise, I’ll…”

But, it’s so much more than that.  Ask yourself what you really want? Truthfully, and listen to the answer.  Throw away those preconceptions of what you think you should want and focus on what your gut is telling you.  Think about what is truly important to you and then ask yourself how you can go about achieving them.  It could be your work/life balance, well-being, being at peace, increased inner calm, fulfilment or a combination of these.

2. Being Off-Balance On Purpose

So, you have an idea of what would make your life complete. That one concept that, were you to achieve it, would make your world all warm and fuzzy and put your life in total balance. 

That’s great…But, what now?

Consider how boring life would be!  Does your life really need to be balanced?  Yes, we would all like a little order to the chaos sometimes.  We have all wished that some situation or other was different in some way, but how often do we forget that this is real life – it’s not meant to be plain sailing!  The majority of our experience comes from the lessons we have learned, and if life goes down a straight and even road, wouldn’t we miss the excitement of a few bumpy stretches?

Instead of focussing on attaining perfection, I believe we should celebrate our unbalance.  Because, isn’t it that which makes us different? Makes us human?  Aren’t the imbalances the things we will look back at when we are old and grey, with a degree of nostalgia?

3. Be Okay With You.

Remember, things are rarely what they seem.  And those things that lead to life balance can sometimes be the opposite of what we think.  Those “quick-fixes”, short-term solutions, habits or “lazy” reactions may seem like the million-dollar answer, but the effects can very often be quite different to what we imagined.  Think carefully of the long-term cause and effect of any actions and resist those quick or impulse actions, or (shock horror) those inactions.

Instead, consider whether perfection is what you’re seeking.  Really?  Are you sure that it’s not simply an improvement that will give you your desired outcome?

As humans, it is our imperfections, our idiosyncrasies that make us who we are.  And, it is precisely these that enable us to relate so well to each other.

Who wants to be perfect, anyway? You ARE perfect, after all.

—

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Categories
Balance Goal Setting Organization Positive Thinking Wellness

Why your understanding of balance is wrong

What does life-balance mean to you?  Not necessarily the theory, but in practical terms?  Is it committing to, and maintaining that New Year’s fitness routine alongside running a house, a job, the family, or is it something more?

You see, “balance” means different things to each of us. There is no right or wrong answer, no one way of achieving it and, sometimes, we get so engrossed in the concept of balance that actually achieving it becomes a no-go. We beat ourselves up because we perceive that the scales of life are just not balancing out and this sets us on that oh-so-familiar hamster wheel of discontent.

So, firstly, let’s take a look at 4 top tips for managing a balanced lifestyle.

1. Look After You

Are you the person to whom everyone turns in a crisis?  Are you the family’s “Go-To” during their times of need? If yes, then that’s an awful lot of extra emotional “weight” being lumped on your shoulders.  I’m not suggesting that you tell everyone to go find someone else to shoulder the burden, no.  But, in order to maintain any sort of balance, we have to look after number one first.  Your body needs rest, exercise and healthy food.  Sure, all of that. But, it’s important to take time to focus on your needs and make sure you’re ticking over just fine before you focus on other people.  It’s really okay to do what it takes to protect yourself from any negative energy or emotions coming your way.  After all, how can you help others if you can’t help yourself?

2. Organization is Key

Being organized, and that includes mentally, too, allows your brain the flexibility to cope with any stress or disruption more easily.  Plan that important “time-out” and make room for the things you enjoy.  The key to life balance here is minimizing stress as far as possible.

3. Goals Work

How great does it feel when you can check something off your list as done and dusted?  It doesn’t matter which area of your life, there’s sure to be a goal you can set.  The successful attainment of a goal goes a long way to maintaining a healthy and positive mindset, improving your mood and helping that balance, too.

4. The Right Food = The Best Balance

Yep, it’s a no-brainer, yet the fence that a lot of us fall at.  Ensuring you maintain your “five-a-day” will go a long way to helping that positive mental attitude, helping brain function and, ultimately keeping you on the road to success.

So, there you have it.  Four simple steps to maintaining balance in your life.  By trying to include these four rules into your life, you will reduce stress, improve your general health, boost your energy and probably be an altogether nicer person to be around.  Isn’t that worth a re-balance?

Don’t forget to check back for my next blog, where we will be looking at some real game-changing, counter-intuitive thoughts that will change your notion of balance.

__

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Let’s see what might happen if you dare to just “read the blogs” to taking the steps to get you to where you want to go, but perhaps have not dared to…. until now.

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Categories
Accountability Planning Positive Thinking

3 ways to turn Failure into Raving Success

In our last blog, we looked at failure and our fear of everything associated.  But, let’s flip that failure into a positive with three powerful ways to turn that failure around!

1. Consistency is key.

It’s not about all the things you can do easily, without even a thought – it’s about mastering those things that you once found difficult.  That’s where strength comes from and that’s the key to building success from failure.  If you fall, (and without trying to be negative here), occasionally, you will, instead of examining your bruises and war wounds, dust yourself down and get right back on it. Consistency is the key to success, so set about mastering whatever brought you down.  Consistent action coupled with learning form your mistakes equals consistent results.

2. Watch your mouth!

After a failure, it is all too easy to berate yourself, asking why you did something in a particular way or why you said something in a particular manner.  Stop right there!  Be aware of your self-talk.  Would you really talk like that to a friend (or even a stranger) in the same circumstances?  Don’t allow your self-talk to make you feel worthless.  You are human after all and acknowledging a mistake as human error and treating yourself with the same degree of respect you would show others is really important.  Sure, failure hurts. But, unless you want to stay in that moment of failure, stay positive and get back on track as quickly as possible. Your previous mistakes do not, I repeat, do not define you.  So again. Learn what you need to and then let them go.

3. Don’t be a stranger

Sometimes, failures keep us rooted to the past.  If we dwell on them too much, they become a bad habit that is hard to break.  If this resonates, don’t feel you have to go it alone.  Invite others to give you their take on the situation – whether a coach, a mentor or even a friend, their input can be invaluable. This can often be really empowering as you find different solutions to the problem.  Who knows, that different perspective may be the key to your success!

Nobody enjoys failure.  It’s tough, after all. But, if you regard any knock as an opportunity to reframe, revise and refocus our thoughts and actions, then aren’t they maybe just a teeny bit worthwhile, too? Heck, yes, and then some. In fact, they might be called a “raving success.”

How can failures be turned into a raving success?

Probably the best thing a person can do to “stop failing” is to begin to see the beautiful nuggets of learning and growth with each “failure.” In fact, Sarah Blakely (founder of SPANX) had a father who ENCOURAGED his children to fail, so that they’d be fearless. And those who are fearless are ultimately leaders. And we all are leaders of our own lives. Here’s a video of her, explaining this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TeV9op6Mp8

What might happen if you resolved to count your failures, to challenge yourself to fail at LEAST one time per day? (Hint: get ready for fame…)

—

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  • And even more goodies:  You get MUCH more than live calls once a month! You get unlimited Access to past and new group session recordings – to enhance your learning and growing OUTSIDE of our monthly calls.

Curious? Learn more about this low cost, low commitment, high results, high energy program:

  • Click here if you have not worked with us before
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Let’s get you more focused, organized, and productive than you have EVER been! Let’s see what might happen if you dare to just “read the blogs” to taking the steps to get you to where you want to go, but perhaps have not dared to…. until now.

I’ll be there! I can’t wait to meet you.

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