Author: Carol Williams

In our last blog, we looked at 3 ways in which you could be compromising your sleep and simple steps to get back onto the path of restful sleep.  In this blog, we are focusing on why sleep can be especially difficult with AD/HD and what you can do about it. When you have a mind like a Ferrari with bicycle brakes, the “normal” advice may or may not work for you. I think that all “AD/HD tips” can be used for “anyone” but the reverse is not always true.

While many of us may have occasional difficulty in sleeping, sufferers of AD/HD can experience a variety of sleep disorders, ranging from difficulty sleeping at night, difficulty waking in the morning, interrupted sleep (through sleep apnoea or other causes) and excessive daytime sleepiness. In some cases, this can be exacerbated by medication prescribed for the condition. Lack of sleep can also aggravate other symptoms, including hyperactivity. When we lack sleep, we tend to say things “without thinking” and sometimes “blow a fuse.”  And so it goes! Personal and work relationships can be damaged. You cannot bring your best self to the table. Then you start feeling badly about it. Ugh.

So, what can you do to aid a restful night’s sleep?

• Transitioning to sleep with AD/HD

Transitions of any kind are typically not so simple for those with AD/HD. Routines are critical. Having a routine allows our prefrontal cortex to be absorbed wth the fun stuff, not worrying about the everyday boring stuff.  Having an AD/HD-friendly night-time routine, such as a relaxing bath, dimming the lights and enjoying a calming hobby can all be beneficial. By having a set routine, the brain recognizes the signal that it’s bedtime…easily. No more fighting with yourself. Additionally, creating a cozy place that is conducive to sleeping makes bedtime inviting! Dim the lights and turn off any electronics that can buzz or beep.  Keep work out of the bedroom by leaving any devices outside or switched off.

• Winding down when a very active brain is the norm: Institute Chill Time.

What activities do you undertake in your quiet time? The trick with anyone suffering from AD/HD, is to not start a hyper-focused activity before bed. This can be hard, when we all spend so much time using electronic devices, but any activity that requires concentration can be difficult to disengage from at bedtime. Set a rule that all phones, computers and the TV are switched off an hour before bed..  While we all know the benefits of regular exercise, ensure that any energy-burning activity is finished a couple of hours before bedtime.

Wow, all that “I cannot” and “rule making” is having me feel like a kid who wants to rebel. So, instead of focusing on what you cannot do…institute “chill time.” Make sure chill time is not movie time, though. It’s quiet. Light a candle. Meditate. Go for a slow walk. Hold hands. Get into a hot tub. Listen to new age music.

• The Night Owl tendency

If you’re a Night Owl preferring to work later in the day when the house is quietest and distractions are minimized, that’s great.  Except, where jobs and families expect you to be at your best in the morning! In this case, this late sleep pattern can often lead to a short sleep duration.  Sufferers of AD/HD often get a burst of energy late at night when they should be settling down.  This can sometimes lead to their thoughts “racing” and bouncing from one worry to another, creating a vicious circle of sleeplessness.  Again, a sleep routine may be helpful.  Consider also introducing white noise to the bedroom, such as a fan or radio to mask any exterior disturbances to sleep. White noise or background sounds that relax the mind can be lifesavers. Also consider essential oils. Often, people with AD/HD are highly sensitive. Make this work to your advantage.

Above all, the key to dealing with any sleep disturbance is not to dwell on it.  Distract yourself from your distraction by focusing on something relaxing and calming. Make it so boring that you fall asleep, but in a good way. Experiment with what works best for YOU. I love meditations and a pillow under my knees while I lie on my back. A guided mediation where you focus on each part of your body can have you asleep before the end of it. And WOW it feels AMAZING to be wide awake in the morning…

In summary, sleep, meditation, and exercise form the 3 legs of the Foundational Stool for a productive life. Add in the right meds, and you are ready to harness the gifts of your AD/HD. Let’s do this!

What does a good night’s sleep look like to you?  Is it seven or eight hours, maybe more? But a “good sleep” is about much more than the hours of shut eye you achieve on a nightly basis.  It also means the right kind of sleep.

Sleep affects our ability to function; our ability to use language, sustain attention, our comprehension of written and spoken word, so if we lose out on that secret sauce, then it stands to reason that we may compromise our performance, our mood and our relationships with others.

Before we talk about 3 things to do to stop compromising your sleep, let’s identify the WHY. Why is it so hard to get a good night’s sleep?

Ahhh! The frustration! You settle down for the night, only to find yourself wide awake, tossing and turning until the wee small hours.  Why? Well, there are a few reasons why this might be happening and, ways that you can help yoursel

• Stress

The number one culprit for short-term sleep difficulty. If you find yourself awake, worrying about the “what-ifs” in your life, then try sitting in a dim light in another room, and do something quiet, calm and relaxing that helps you take your mind off your worries. Try carrying out a “brain-dump” before you go to bed – list everything you have to do and then, if you wake in the night worrying about those tasks, repeat to yourself that they’re on the list and you’ll look at it tomorrow.

• Alcohol

Are you guilty of having a glass of wine close to bedtime in the mistaken opinion that it will help you sleep? Although alcohol can initially make you sleepy, it will make the overall quality of your sleep poorer; you’ll sleep lighter and will be more prone to broken sleep.

• Your phone/tablet/TV

Our favorite way to wind down at the end of the day, right?  Unfortunately, the blue light that most screens emit tricks your brain into thinking it’s still daytime.  As a result, melatonin, the hormone in our brain which makes us sleepy, doesn’t come on so strongly and we aren’t therefore able to feel sleepy. Turn off all screens one hour before retiring and instead enjoy a book or podcast before bed. My personal favorite is listening to a meditation. The other thing that’s really neat to know is that you can actually find answers to your questions via your subconscious. Just ask before you go to bed and then be quiet and still in the morning to listen to the answer. You might have to do this more than once. Your mind needs time to adjust to being open and receptive, especially if your “normal” is going full-speed all.the.time.

So, what’s an easy recipe to get the rest you need, night after night?

Suffering from lack of sleep, night after night, is no fun for you or those around you.  Build a healthy bedtime routine instead, with the focus on a good night’s sleep.  Here are some ideas to help you STOP COMPROMISING YOUR SLEEP.

Way One: Set Routine Rules.

This involves paying close attention to your night-time routine and highlighting any “red flags”. Many people use their phone as their alarm. While there is a Bedtime App on the iphone, and that’s kind of cool, it’s definitely better to use an old-fashioned alarm clock. Keep your phone outside of your bedroom. You may choose to invest in a light alarm clock, that wakes you by mimicking the morning sun, rather than an abrupt alarm.

In much the same way that babies have night-time routines of bath, book and bed, why not consider adopting a similar routine yourself?  Go to bed a half-hour before normal and read or listen to a meditation app (although this means you have your phone in bed, not as ideal….set it to Do Not Disturb in this case).  Give yourself every opportunity to fall asleep.

Way Two: Set Food (and Drink) Rules

Set rules around when and what you eat; perhaps limit your caffeine after lunch time. Some people love herbal tea at bedtime. And sometimes it’s a bit “too close” to bedtime, meaning you will need to release that liquid before your normal waking time. It’s all research.

Way Three: This is the Ace-in-the-Hole: Wait for it…NOTICE.

Notice? What? Right. You wake up at 3 am.  Your mind is busy. WHAT IS IT BUSY ABOUT? Your brain’s JOB is to de-frag at night, so be gentle with yourself. What do you need? What is unresolved? This information is gold. Don’t berate; embrace. Take a step the next morning to address the issue. In the meantime, I count backwards slowly from 100 to get back to a restful night.

BONUS TIP: Exercise routine. You might look at swapping your evening workout to a morning one, when you’ll be grateful for the stimulation to get yourself set for the day!

If you still find it difficult to sleep through the night, then, above all, don’t stress.  Thinking too much about lack of sleep will only keep you awake longer. Instead, try keeping a sleep diary and notice if there are any patterns around when you sleep best, the conditions when you went to bed – room temperature etc. There are even devices you can wear to track your sleep!

In our next blog, we’ll look at how AD/HD can affect your sleep – and what you can do about it.

In the last blog, we delved into various negative aspects of perfectionism, looking at how needing to be perfect at everything could impact life and lead to burnout.  I invited you to look at what is really happening versus what you are imagining should happen. When you do that, it’s really powerful. In this blog, we will focus on how to live with the “flaws” that we all have and how those “flaws” can actually be a blessing in disguise. We’ll also go through an exercise to release some aspects of perfectionism that are holding you back from your greatness through a case study.

How to capitalize on your “flaws” 

If you have AD/HD, you have probably been told your whole life that you are not doing it the “right” way. That you have a disorder. A learning disability. This is crushing to a person’s sense of self.

The truth is that we are all good enough. In fact, we are all amazing. Just not at everything. More truth: we have to be “good enough” and some things. For example, money. So many AD/HD’ers are “bad with money” or “don’t know exactly where it goes.” Does this sound familiar? You DO need to know where your money goes so you can realize your dreams. Mainly, all it takes is a system. It’s okay if you have to outsource this (to a family member, bookkeeper, etc)

The first step in this process to be GOOD ENOUGH is to face “what is”.  This isn’t the time for denial. Our fears only have control over us when we run and hide. Yes, that’s right….run TOWARD the fears. (hint…they shrink in your flashlight, not intensify!)

Next, determine how you can get a Passing Grade in the stuff you find Boring, Repetitive, Scary. Don’t assume you have to gain Gold-Star Greatness on everything.  Upping your skill to passable is perfect.  Now that’s perfectionism that will serve you!

It’s important to retain perspective.  You are never, I repeat, never going to be great at everything because that’s not real life and that’s okay. That’s what makes you, you!  Instead of feeling a failure because you are not super strong in all aspects of your life, learn to focus on areas that you are good in, and draw less attention to the weaker areas. When a person focuses on his/her strengths, and goes deep, mastery emerges.

Learn what that Perfect Voice is in your head, and how s/he is sabotaging you

When faced with aspects of your life where you know you have weakness, it can be all too easy to listen to that annoying little voice in your head.  The one that says, “Why make the effort, you know you’re just going to fail”, or “Go ahead, have the burger and order that full-fat dessert while you’re at it; you can start the diet tomorrow” – you know the kind of thing.

Self-sabotage is the brain’s way of dealing with change; a way to safe-guard and defend yourself and it can be so subtle that you don’t even realize that you’re doing it.

If that inner voice is telling you that you can’t take action until the perfect time, or that you need to perfect a skill before you move forward, it’s really time to stop engaging in those thoughts.  Instead, start replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones; Imagine what will happen when you do move forward and achieve your goal.  Tell yourself that your best is plenty good enough and take the first step to success.

How to love yourself, imperfections and all

The key to living with the imperfect you is to recognise your value as just that; imperfect.  No one wants a one-dimensional “perfect” version of you, it is your imperfections, your frailties that make you authentic and “whole”.  Trying to be perfect is just exhausting! Focus, not on trying to please others, but on pleasing yourself.

There is a big difference between trying to do our best and trying to be perfect. It is important to recognize that, very often our need or perfectionism comes from inside ourselves.  Everyone else is just happy with you being you, imperfections and all! “Be yourself” has always served me well. And it will serve you, also.

A case study

Sometimes we know we have perfectionist tendencies; sometimes we don’t. Here’s a real-life example of someone (I will call him Bill) who knew he had these tendencies. But he could not stop himself! Even though he had an excellent assistant to review and edit his work, he continued to re-write each sentence, fearing that he would send his assistant “bad” work…or that she could not do it as well as he could. He wasted a lot of time choosing the right font for a document, and obsessed over minor details of a PowerPoint presentation. As a result, Bill repeatedly fell behind in his work.

What’s the strategy? Grow accustomed to the uncomfortable. How?

• Wear mismatched socks.
• Wear a tie that has a stain.

At first, Bill was not so sure about these ideas. He’d look bad! Imperfect, even! But we came up with other solutions, too. When he began laughing about being mismatched, I knew the battle had been won with his perfectionism.

And when we are done fighting with it (which truly is fighting with ourselves) we open ourselves up to new learning and growing. And that’s where the fun is…and I daresay the powerful service.

On the way to creating the life you want and the business you would love when you have AD/HD is this little roadblock called “perfectionism.”

How’s that working for you?

Have you ever considered that the world which exists inside your head is a perfect world?  A world where the Midas effect is a real thing, because everything you touch turns to sparkly success? How amazing that world is.  Except, it’s not reality.

Here’s what can happen.

• You don’t meet your lofty standards. Over and over.
• Your self-talk goes pretty negative.
• You stop believing you are doing a good job.
• You stop trying.

Does any of this sound familiar?

The hard fact is that there are some things in life that, yes, you are great at.  But there are also things that you are just passable at and other things at which you’re pretty useless.  Join the club!  When it comes to talent and ability, the playing field is most definitely uneven.  Wherever we look, there are always people who seem to be stronger than us, more polished and more knowledgeable, leading us to feelings of insecurity and intimidation. But there are ways that you can approach these negative feelings and flip them into positive ones.  Here’s how:

How to recognize if you are a perfectionist even if you believe you are “just doing a good job”

While doing a great job has its place, we can  get caught up in trying to do everything perfectly. Doing a GOOD job gets pushed aside. We convince ourselves that we must be perfect, or the result is just not good enough and therefore not worth doing.  I mean, why attempt something when you know you’re going to fail?  Right? Hmmm….is doing a GOOD job “failing”?

If you cannot stand the idea that at least some of what you do may be imperfect, then the chances are that you are veering into perfectionist country, and that just leads to procrastination, failure and frustration. This is not a country to stay in!

Procrastination

I get it.  You want to be permanently amazing at everything you do. Failure or “not good enough” just isn’t an option. But the result of striving for perfection in everything you do is procrastination; these two very often walk hand in hand.  Perfectionists often fear being able to complete a task perfectly, so they put it off for as long as possible.

Solution: Do it badly! That’s right. Just do “something.” What will happen? I am willing to bet…something fantastic. The magic in this phrase is freedom. My mentor, Melinda Cohen (who created and owns the wildly successful Coaches Console) taught me this phrase. She is a recovering Perfectionist!

Micromanaging

Another negative by-product of perfectionism is micro-management.  If you are so focussed on perfection that you find yourself dictating how others compete their tasks, then this could be you.  Instead, step back and allow those delegated tasks to be completed by others without interruption.  Your team will be more engaged, leading to a better result. Allowing others to complete tasks “their way” brings a different perspective to the task in hand and the end result may not be “perfect”, but who wants perfect anyway?  Isn’t completed better?

Overwhelm

Lastly, is overwhelm; the result of both procrastination and micromanaging.  If you cannot complete a task for fear that the end result will only be your best, not “perfect” or you fail to delegate for fear that your team won’t deliver, or you fail to allow delegated tasks to be completed without micromanaging the project, then you may find yourself heading for overwhelm and, ultimately, burn out.

To avoid this, it is important that you gain a new perspective.  One strategy is the Index Card Strategy. Find some index cards and write one sentence on each. For example:

• “Mistakes are bound to happen.”
• “Remember, nobody is perfect, not even my boss.”
• “Making a mistake does not make me less than, it only makes me human.”
• “It’s OK to have a bad day.”

To train yourself to be less perfectionistic, read them several times a day. At first this will feel really strange. But…it works. The secret is to allow it to work. Just trust.

In my next blog, I will be looking at ways to capitalize on your flaws and how to love yourself; flaws and all. I’ll include case studies from real people, who have gone from fearing what might happen if they are not perfect, to moving ahead, step by step, in the right direction and getting further than they ever dreamed possible.

In our last blog, we turned the idea of interruptions on its head.  In this blog, we’ll look at ways in which you can learn to manage interruptions and how to maximize your time, which is what you have come to expect in reading this.

Hands down, the most common interruption is our phone. Not phone calls. That was so 1995. Who calls anymore, anyhow? It’s texts, notifications, banners. Yup. And when the phone is not interrupting us, we are interrupting ourselves.

“Compulsive use of mobile phones and computers is an addiction, similar to sex, drugs, and alcohol.”

John Ratey, Clinical Psychologist, Harvard University

Some people are “ok with their addictions.” It’s acceptance, which is really powerful. How are you doing with your phone addiction? No, really? Try no phone for a day. They have a name for this. It’s Nomophobia. Try it. At first you will have jitters. At some point you will calm down. Later, you will not only be productive, but peaceful.

Try it. 8 hours. Let me know how you do in the comments.

And here it is…how to maximize your time and minimize your interruptions:

1. Be flexible

Firstly, accept that distractions happen to us all. Period. Realize and accept that interruptions are going to happen and, instead of stressing about them, be flexible.  Where possible, plan for interruptions, delegate where possible and stay in control of the situation!

• Be vocal

When you see a distraction coming your way, try and communicate and head it off at the pass.  It’s fine to tell colleagues that you’re up to your ears in work and can they come back later?  Remember, clear is kind. Communicate your schedule to others so they know when you are likely to be tied up with your to-dos.  Let people know when you are going to be off-limits.

• Be direct

When hit with a distraction, try and get to the heart of it immediately.  That way you have time to formulate how best to attack before you get drawn in. 

As annoying as they might be, we’ve seen how interruptions are a part of life and it’s more about how we deal with them that makes the difference.  But, believe it or not, there are some positives to come out of any disruptions that come your way. Have you considered that the period of interruption can give you valuable breathing space or thinking time?  Sometimes, when interrupted from a task, we return with a clearer head, or slightly different perspective.  Those precious minutes have given us an excuse to slow down and reconsider our stance. Although interruptions from colleagues can be a chore, maybe this is an opportunity to brainstorm, or to gain their perspective on that problem you’ve been wrestling with?

What if, instead of viewing an interruption as a curse, we welcomed them?  If managed correctly, they can increase productivity, and allow us to stay connected, but on our own terms. 

Now, wouldn’t that be a thing?

So many people think of interruptions as a bad thing. And, they mostly are. They tear away your ability to be productive. But, what if you capitalized on them instead?

There’s lots to say about how Not To Be Interrupted. And mostly, it’s good advice. Heck, I give it. AND have you ever thought about how interruptions are the spice in the bland chicken?

When we release our stranglehold on trying to control everything, life gets easier. When life gets easier, we think more clearly. When we think more clearly, we have really great ideas. And then, instead of jumping from thing-to-thing, we actually have the energy to implement those great (maybe even amazing) ideas. As a (really important) side benefit, I have watched my health improve as I let go.

Wow.

And I am known for Productivity. What happened? I’ll say it…ready?

Real life.

The quest for “balance.” I call it ‘Being Real’. Here are some tips to be real, in the realm of Interruption Management.

1. Take charge. Decide what you will do and who you will be WHEN you get interrupted. You don’t have to let people steal your time, but choose your response before it happens.
2. Think ahead.  Block out time to spend with a person who usually interrupts you. Call her just to chat; if local, ask her to lunch.
3. Plan for the unknown. When an interruption occurs, welcome it. Look for what you can learn from the experience, and don’t get annoyed. Instead, embrace this as a chance to grow.

When you do these things, you will stop being obsessed with maximizing your day., and you will actually get more out of not only your day, but your life. You will be calm in the storm. You will possess leadership abilities beyond most.

Want to achieve your big dreams? Slow down, be interrupted, focus on what’s most important. Be present.

In our next blog, I’ll be back to my old self (somewhat) – identifying things that you can do to maximize your time. Thank goodness, right?