Author: Carol Williams

Do you ever find yourself comparing your life to those around you? Perhaps on social media, in pictures of friends and family, living what you can only call paradise, while you’re sat at home on a rainy Sunday scrolling through your phone. It’s easy to get carried away right? Not everybody has the same resources, circumstances, or financial situation, so how do you continue to move forwards with your life and do it within your means? The formula is fairly simple. Add a little passion, a touch of courage and hey presto, you have yourself a cocktail for success. 

Discover a template: Take a wish and make it a reality. 

In our last article, we spoke about how to turn your dreams into more than just a fantasy and today we continue to push you on, encouraging you to take a wish and create it into a reality. It’s imperative to start by reminding you that what works for someone else may not work for you. There’s no one size fits all when it comes to life. Trial and error are your best friends when discovering your template of success. Start by challenging yourself with the “3 identifies” 

– Identify your wish or dream – what is it that you want to achieve? 

– Identify your resources – What do you already have that will help you on your way? It’s important to think long and hard about the existing resources because this will enable you to continue to move forwards and do it within your means. 

– Identify what it is you need to make that wish a reality – what is it that you need but don’t already have? How long is it going to take to get there? How much money will you need? 

The most efficient way to achieve a wish or dream is to set a timeline against what you want to do. Break it down into manageable, bitesize pieces that won’t put too much pressure on you financially, physically, or mentally. 

What you have already in your life are your resources and your base but by no means are these your limits. Just look at Oprah Winfrey as an example of this. After a troubled childhood, she worked in radio while still at school. Each step of her journey took her a 

little closer to her goal, her wish, her dream. Steve Jobs, Ralph Lauren, Richard Branson…the list goes on. Very successful people who lived within their means, mapped their journey, and worked hard until it was complete. 

Learn the critical hurdles to surpass 

That’s not to say that these people didn’t encounter hurdles – of course they did and if you read their stories, there are many of them. It’s not always going to be an easy ride. There will be obstacles along the way, As the wise Albert Einstein very famously said “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity”. When these come up, take your time to look at where you have come from and make note of what you can learn from the experience. You may be met with feelings of self-doubt and question whether the path you are on is the correct one. You may even be met with resistance from the people around you. Remind yourself of what it is you want and what it will mean to you when you achieve your dream. Remember the purpose. 

Uncover the secrets of true trailblazers

Every journey to success looks different and only once you have completed the journey in full will you be able to reflect on it. But remember the greater the obstacle, the greater the glory in overcoming it. Become a trailblazer, innovator, creator, warrior, storyteller and patron of your journey. We talked above about how there is no one size fits all, how what works for someone else may not work for you. So, remember this, there’s no moment like the present. Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now. 

And to finish, we’ll leave you with this from Oprah, from her speech at the Golden Globes:

“The single greatest wisdom I think I’ve ever received is that the key to fulfilment, success, happiness, contentment in life is when you align your personality with what your soul actually came to do. I believe everyone has a soul and their own personal spiritual energy. When you use your personality to serve whatever that thing is, you can’t help but be successful.”

Picture this scenario: You’re lost in thought, thinking about something you’ve always dreamed of, while sipping your hot latte in the Spring sunshine. You begin to laugh, how silly of you to think that this dream could ever come true, right? WRONG.

What are dreams and are fantasies?

Dream is understood as a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal and fantasy is the faculty or activity of imagining impossible or improbable things. But what if your dreams didn’t actually have to be just fantasies? What if you could actually make them happen?

When and why did we stop dreaming?

When I was young, I used to regularly visit the local park with my mother. One morning, while swinging what felt like “as high as the sky”, I remember vividly saying, “one more push and I’ll reach the rainbow” of course this was just a dream; a fantasy, it was never going to happen. Looking back on that moment, I realize that later aspirations have been shaped, bumped and moulded by the people around me. By the expectations of society. By my abilities, self-beliefs and confidence.

Someone once said that dreams are hard to keep alive. In a world where we’ve almost become robotic, attached to our mobile devices, answering emails in our sleep, living our lives through social media – this has never been so true. But holding onto our dreams and believing in them may be key to our happiness. Recent research suggests that having aspirations to work towards and having an optimistic outlook on dreams can positively affect our wellbeing and overall happiness.

Imagine if your dream actually came true. It absolutely can. And if you stick with it, it most likely WILL (or some version of it).

How would that make you feel? Would it make you more likely to dream some more? Would it make you feel happier? Stronger? More confident? If like me, by imagining this, you are feeling energised, this is your moment.

But how do we make dreams happen?

Start by writing down your dreams and evaluating them – are they realistic? Can they actually be done? Are they a dream or are they a fantasy? Meeting Brad Pitt while picking up your morning Starbucks and later going on to marry him is probably not going to happen but starting the doggy friendly coffee shop that you’ve always talked about? Absolutely it can happen.

Find someone who has done what you want to do – the likelihood is that if you’re dreaming of something, it will be based on something you have already lived or seen in the past. Look for your role model, what did they do? What traits did they have that made them so successful?

Make a plan – the best way to make something happen is by doing. Create a roadmap, set timelines and collect resources that will allow you to execute your dream.

Find an accountability and motivation buddy – this one is key. Find someone who believes in you and your dream, someone who will be there when you feel like you aren’t making any progress or when you are failing. Find a buddy that will cheer your wins and give you a big and tell you it’s okay if you make a mistake along the way. You might even consider hiring a coach!

Seize the opportunity and execute – stop waiting for the perfect moment, forget about the “what ifs”, distance yourself from those who don’t believe in you, those who envy you and those who won’t come with you on your journey. You don’t need them.

Dreams can take many forms, they can happen while we sleep, while awake or lost in thought. Don’t downplay any of them. Sometimes we can go places in our minds that help us formulate goals and plans that will shape our future. No matter where you have come from, no matter where you are on your journey today, if you’re feeling exhausted, deflated or pessimistic, I’ll take the opportunity to remind you of the wise words by Lupita Nyong’o – “no matter where you are from, your dreams are valid”

If you’re looking for inspiration on someone who made their dreams come true, you need look no further than at my photo. I’d be happy to share any portion of my (many) obstacles I’ve overcome, so that I now have a rather incredible life.

AND if you are a woman who wants to stop messing around with “giving to everyone except herself” – hardly ever taking the time or energy to fill her own cup…

…and wanting peace, tranquility, inspiration, and creativity…you will want to consider Discovering What you Want this summer then completing that exploration with the Green Goddess Retreat on the beautiful shores of Kezar Lake in North Sutton, New Hampshire Aug 6-9, 2021!

See more info

Why other people’s lives seem to “just work”

Have you ever wondered to yourself why other people’s lives just seem to work? They appear carefree, everything is in alignment, they’re getting on with their day-to-day stuff without any stress. They manage to have busy and meaningful lives minus any signs of overwhelm, and opportunities seem to land in their lap. They just have all the luck, right?

What is their secret? There must be some magic at play, something the rest of us mere mortals aren’t privy to.

The Hamster Wheel of Life

While we’re stuck on the hamster wheel, they just seem to have it all together. The hamster wheel of life is a cycle. We go round and round, caught up in our to-do lists, our own busyness and the hectic nature of the world. Before long, we’re just exhausted trying to keep up – the wheel is relentless, and it keeps on turning whether we’re keeping up with it or not. Fortunately, we have one very simple option. Get off.

The hamster wheel is propelled by you, and when it takes over, it’s still you causing it to turn faster and faster until it feels out of control. The choice to get off the wheel and take a step back will put you in control. Stop. Take stock. Simplify. Take control.

And this is where the magic starts to happen.

• What do you wish were different about your life in this moment and in future?
• What would you love to have more time for?
• Visualize – What does your life look and feel like now that it’s easier to manage, calmer, and brimming with all the things you love to do?

The people whose lives just seem to work are simply in control. They understand what works for them and what doesn’t, and they make sure they stick to their own rules. They have clarity and are focused on making sure they’re working towards their goals and ambitions. They are in charge of their own lives, rather than trying to keep up them. They set the pace.

How to assess what is working and what is not

By now, you should be familiar with the Productivity Success Cake.If not, stop reading and go take the quiz, now, then come back to me. For those of you who are familiar with the quiz but you’re still struggling to get off the hamster wheel – go do the quiz again. It’ll either reinforce what you know to be true, or you’ll be surprised at what’s changed for you. Either way – take the quiz here.

Commit to taking charge

And now it’s time to take charge.

The only way to implement effective change is to make that commitment to yourself. Sign an agreement with yourself. You WILL commit to simplifying your life and creating calm, peace, fluidity and balance. You’ve got this.

A calm mind

This process can feel daunting, but the results are truly incredible for those who make the commitment to taking charge and seeing it through. To make it feel easier for you, here are some tips to get you started.

• Start slowly and build up over time. Make the commitment first and do small things each day to reinforce that commitment. You don’t have to do it all at once. It’s your process so go at your own pace, one that feels right for you.

• Don’t judge yourself. If you’re critical towards yourself, you’ll self-sabotage. Approach what you want to achieve with an open mind, kindness, compassion, belief and trust.

• Breathe. Silence is golden, as the saying goes, so be sure to incorporate some time to just sit peacefully and reflect each day, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes. Focus on your breath and reflect on your goals and desires. Visualize the future in all its glory.

In part one of this blog, we discussed the hamster wheel of life and how to get off. We talked about what’s working for you and what’s not (which you can assess here: Productivity Success Cake.) And we covered committing to taking control with a calm mind.

So now let’s dig a little deeper into how you can design and create the life you want to live, purpose-led and heart-centered, and balanced throughout.

Why would you bother designing your life?

The answer is plain and simple, if YOU don’t take charge and design your life how you want it, you’ll be permanently stuck on that hamster wheel, just trying to keep up. Life will be what goes on around you while you’re battling to stay afloat. It doesn’t have to be like this.

You have a chance to live your IKIGAI.

What is IKIGAI? It’s a fun AND effective way to uncover what you really want. Ikigai requires introspection, and a true commitment to changing your life – out with the old, in with the new.

It’s an exciting prospect, right?

Ikigai helps you identify your purpose in life. With that newfound sense of purpose, you will begin to live each day with meaning and motivation. You’ll be focused and clear on what you want, and you’ll feel rejuvenated.

Key elements to Ikigai

When you’re working on your Ikigai, you should focus on your values, your morals, your ethics, and your truth. In order to live in a truly authentic way, in alignment with self, pay close attention to this area. These elements will influence all the others.

The main areas of focus are:

• What you love
• What you are good at
• What the world needs
• What you can get paid for

Then you drill deeper into the overlapping areas of:

• Your passion
• Your mission
• Your profession
• Your vocation

It’s worth spending some real time with your Ikigai. It’s likely some things will come to you easily and quickly, but other areas may take some time and reflection to truly get to the core.

How does your Ikigai reflect your current circumstances?

If you’re living a life that is so far removed from your Ikigai, it’s no wonder you feel trapped on that hamster wheel. If your profession jars with your core values, for example, you’ll likely feel lost and overwhelmed, and unhappy.

The more we use our Ikigai to influence our decision making, the more aligned we become with our truth. And this helps us to design the life we were meant to live.

In part one of this blog, we looked at WHY we want MORE time in our worlds, the research, the desires, the revenge procrastination… So, now let’s have a look at HOW we create more time for ourselves and make the most of the time we do have.

HOW

It’s IMPOSSIBLE to create ‘additional’ time for yourself. There, I said it. Sorry to disappoint. Time machines haven’t yet been invented (unfortunately). What you CAN do is use your time differently to create SPACE by sacrifice. Sound scary? I promise, it isn’t.

In my last post I asked you to think about what you would really want if time was of no concern, if time itself didn’t exist. Did you do it? If you didn’t, go do it now!

Notice that there are some things you would LOVE to continue doing or even start doing if time were meaningless. Jot those down – they’re important.

Now, think about what’s currently preventing you from doing those things. What is occupying your time so much that you can’t do these things?

By this point you should have a list of the stuff you do with your time and the stuff you want to do with your time. Now go through that list of stuff you do and see what you could sacrifice and replace with one of the things you want to do. Those hours spent in front of the TV blankly, that extra hour in bed you don’t need, those strolls around the supermarket could they be reduced? What about all those things you say YES to for someone else’s benefit? What about the time scrolling aimlessly on social media? Where is YOUR time leaking? 

Every YES requires a NO

Quite simply put, every time you say YES to something, you’re also saying NO to something else. When you think about it like that, a whole new concept of time opens up. It’s a game changer. Remember that when you say yes to one thing, it’s preventing you from doing another. This is a really easy way for you to begin to identify where your time goes and to make better choices.

HOW to discern HOW to spend your time

Most people choose to spend their lives doing the ‘non-negotiables’ that most likely include basic self care, family care, and work. They then wonder why they ‘never get to’ the stuff that lights them up – the ‘someday I will.’ Those things then become unattainable (or nearly so). Then we come up with wonderful stories (not so wonderful) as to ‘why we can’t.’

We even go as far as to poke fun at those who suggest we might change our perspective. It sounds like “you don’t live in the real world, I need to … blah blah blah.”

Is this you? If so….how’s that working for you?

People who realize life is all choices recommend that you ask yourself regularly, is this taking me towards my goal? If the answer is no, they make a new choice.

When we have choices we feel empowered. We are happier. The sunshine spreads.

For example, I get to write this blog right now because I chose to ask my son to make dinner. I expressed loads of gratitude. I have him two “pre-thank you hugs.” And he will get another hug after the meal. This is a win/win. Sure, I may eat a bit later in the evening (he is on his own schedule!) and he gets to be helpful, I get to be grateful, and we get to eat yummy food. Best of all I can do the work I need to do. THAT’S what I call ‘life balance.’

Yes, it takes some decision making and yes it can be tough to start with (we are habit creatures), and, the benefits of choosing how you spend your time are HUGE. Less stress, more motivation, that satisfaction you feel after a productive day – don’t you want to feel like that as much as possible? And it takes you closer and closer to achieving your goals.

How to determine the strategy that works best for YOU

So, take some time (ha, did it again) to figure out what’s important to you and prioritize those things. And don’t forget the concept of optimism bias – ALWAYS schedule more time than you think you’ll need to complete something. That way, best case scenario, you have a little extra time to do something more.

Here are some bullets to consider and articles to help with each item:

• What brings you joy and happiness and fulfilment?

Form great habits and focus on things one at a time.

• Learn how to say NO to things that don’t serve you well.

Create a routine that works for you.

• Double down by attaching one activity to another, like listening to a podcast while you’re out for a walk.

Do the things that have the biggest impact, therefore increasing your productivity.

• Do something while you’re waiting for something else, make the most of the opportunity.

Schedule like a pro and make sure you don’t underestimate how long things will take.

Put yourself first. No, really. Do it. No joke. In everything.

And last but not least…why having time constraints is a GOOD thing.

Imagine, if you had all the time in the world to get things done, would you really do them? Without deadlines and the understanding that the time we have is finite, we’d drift along, unencumbered, and we would eventually see pretty much everything as pointless.

Time is precious, so to use it to our advantage in order to fulfil our dreams and create a beautiful existence for us and those around us is the most significant thing you can do with it.

And as a bonus, watch this great Ted Talk by Tim Urban

Time. Sometimes we wish we had more of it, sometimes we will it to go quicker, sometimes we feel like it’s running out, sometimes we’re waiting for the right time, and we ALL want to make the most of it!

Is that really possible? To make the most of every nanosecond?

First let’s take some time (see what I did there?!) to explore WHY we have this insatiable craving for MORE time.

WHY?

At one time ‘work/life balance’ was a hot topic. Today, after nearly a year in COVID, most of us are doing some kind of ‘home hybrid’ so let’s think about work and life in terms of integration instead, as they do clearly go hand in hand.

Most of us have it backwards. We ‘do all the stuff’ then ‘try to find time’ for our IKIGAI (thing that lights us up deeply.)  Let’s recognize that we all need some ‘play time’ in our days, something unstructured and/or fun, time to unwind and kick off the stresses of the day, but since (mostly) we don’t schedule this into our routines as a necessity, we end up crashing instead and ‘wasting’ that valuable R&R time.

Does this sound familiar?

It has been a long day. So you sit blankly in front of the TV, telling yourself you should be doing something productive, but you just can’t find the energy. (Hint, telling yourself this stuff erases any energy you may have found.) If it’s not TV, you are most likely scrolling aimlessly on social media – or my favorite – both at the same time. Your brain and body in moments like these is rebelling and telling you “I need rest.”

You’re escaping into a haze of nothingness and, boy, does it feel good. YES! You need rest. Your primitive brain is taking over; it’s what you need. And as mentioned earlier- then the voice often comes. That niggling voice shaming you and making you feel guilty. NOT HELPFUL. Living like this creates cognitive dissonance. No wonder people drink.

Revenge Bedtime Procrastination- are you experiencing this?

Have you heard of ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’? It’s described as, “a phenomenon in which people who don’t have much control over their daytime life refuse to sleep early in order to regain some sense of freedom during late night hours.”

Those who feel that work takes up most of their time, or that they lack the feeling of control over their time prey victim to this more often than those who schedule in their time to chill. We all want some time to ourselves to do nothing. It can be so bad for some people that it has a compound effect in their day-to-day lives because they’ve stayed up too late (and possibly had too much to drink) and their ability to fire on all cylinders the following day abandons them.

The Planning Fallacy

Research also suggests that we have a tendency to underestimate the time it will take us to get things done due to ‘optimism bias’.

“The optimism bias is defined as the difference between a person’s expectation and the outcome that follows. If expectations are better than reality, the bias is optimistic; if reality is better than expected, the bias is pessimistic.”

When attempting to predict how long something will take you, if you exhibit the optimism bias, this is called the ‘Planning Fallacy’.

What’s more, this bias overrides our ability to accurately predict how long things will take us, EVEN IF we’ve done them plenty of times before. So, this is going to have a huge impact on how you schedule your day and you’ll likely find that the time you set aside to rest, or play has been eaten into by needing to complete your to-do list tasks.

I’ll be covering more about HOW you can combat this in my next blog post, but for now, just let that information sink in and ask yourself…

What would you REALLY WANT if time did not exist?

Yes, it’s time to fantasize and visualize what your day would look like if you had all the time in the world.

• How would it feel to have no pressure of deadlines looming?
• How would you go about your business?
• Would you set yourself a routine?
• Would you abandon all routine safe in the knowledge things will get done when they get done?
• What’s your favorite part about this new timeless world?
• What do you love the most?

Leveraging your deep desires

Now, of course, we’re never going to be utterly free of time-constraints and I’ll tell you why that’s a GOOD THING in my next blog. But for now, let’s focus on what you’ve learnt from your visualization.

There will have been a few things that came to mind, things you would 100% continue to do if time was no concern. Hold onto those things; they’re important. I bet they’re things you currently WANT to do but find you don’t have time for.  So, what you’re saying is that these things are of huge importance to you, and that they would become your priority when your time isn’t occupied elsewhere?

Let’s see what we can do about that… in my next blog.