Author: Carol Williams

When things don’t go as planned, we can resist the very thing that may be the most helpful. A debrief, otherwise known as hindsight analysis can be absolute GOLD in the Failure Process. However, more often than not, people resist this routine. Fear of feeling stupid can lurk behind this omission.

The key to combatting guilt is to understand that it’s not possible to control everything around us. Often, things will happen that can leave us feeling “stupid”, guilty or with a sense of shame hanging over us but what can we do to remedy these feelings or at least reduce them to a level that doesn’t take over our whole being and end up consuming us?

If you don’t feel naturally organized, even if you have read lots of books, you may have some questions!

Question: Is there something wrong with me?

Answer: In short, no. Try looking at what you can easily do those others can’t first and you’ll realize there’s nothing wrong with you.

Firstly, take the phrase “If only I had…” out of your dictionary. If you were to take some time to reflect on each action over the course of the day, without a doubt, there will be things that you could have done differently, more efficiently or more effectively but it’s important to remember that you are where you are, and those moments have passed. It’s possible that those impulse moments, led to a positive outcome or the day may have looked different.

The analogy that explains this best is the traffic jam. Have you ever found yourself at standstill on a busy road only to think, If only I had left 10 minutes earlier…” but like most things, the traffic jam was unpredictable and having these thoughts are actually not helpful at all and only contribute to feelings of shame and guilt?

Remember YOU are your hardest critic– even when you feel incredibly stupid, guilty, or shameful, the likelihood is that you are the only one to have noticed that. A bit like going to the gym, you feel exposed, and you feel like everyone is watching you but in reality, everyone has their own issues and things to deal with and are unlikely to even notice you or what you are doing.

Question: Does neurodivergent mean you can’t operate in the “real world”?

Answer: Carl Jung once said “The shoe that fits one person, pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.

Different doesn’t mean worse. Different means different. For the neurodivergent of the world, I recommend that you STOP the  constant comparison to others, and START  being kind to yourself as a norm.

Don’t forget that everyone operates within their own capabilities and just because your brain operates differently than many people you see around you, it certainly doesn’t mean you are any less capable. Do you find yourself asking,  “what’s wrong with me”? If you are nodding when reading this, then you have spent too much time focusing on the negative aspects of your persona. What is it that you can do easily that others can’t? Are you able to make intuitive and quick decisions where friends go over and over something before reaching that exact same conclusion? Different doesn’t mean worse. Different means different. Rather than kicking yourself for your differences, try honoring them. They are, in fact, your superpower.

Question: Is there a connection between procrastination and shame?

Answer: Yes, they are closely linked.  The behaviors that characterize Neurodivergence, are often confused with problematic behaviors which can quickly contribute to feelings of shame and guilt. In a society that runs at a million miles an hour, if we’re not always thriving or achieving, we feel like we are failing, procrastinating and this leads to feelings of shame and guilt, but don’t forget, that from procrastination, some of the best ideas have been born. The most creative minds operate at full pace when given time to procrastinate, to question and just let the mind wander. So why are we wired to feel ashamed of procrastination? Even those who say they don’t, procrastinate because we are only human at the end of the day and sometimes, we just need a break.

To love ourselves, we must accept that we are all different and we must learn to operate together, in independence.

We all have goals in life, both big and small, but how many of us set and consciously work on achieving those goals? We admire those who set goals for themselves and meet them, not only do they do it once, they tend to do it over and over again! This could be YOU, if that’s something you really want and you’re willing to work at it. No one said it would be easy, but they didn’t say it was impossible either. What is it that you really want? What do you have to do to get there? Like most high achievers, you’ll find that “achieving” is a mindset, a lifestyle almost. That once you check off one goal, you’ll be searching for what’s next.

So, what are the secrets of these high achievers? Is it just luck? Do they have a process? What can you do daily that will push you forwards and help you thrive?

1. Make a decision: rule number one of achieving is that you can’t achieve what you don’t know. Clearly define what it is you are looking to achieve and set a timeline against it. Quantify the goal so that it’s easy to determine whether and when you reach the target. For example, “I want to sell X number of products each day.”, when you hit this target consistently, you know your goal will have been met and you can move to the next “to achieve” on your list. Frustration comes from vague goal setting where a goal is not measurable. Reverting back to creating a SMART goal may seem a bit of an old school way of doing things now, but it’s still the best way to see results.
2. Stay focused: learning to control your mind can be tricky at the best of times but training your mind not to wander, to stay focused on the journey, the small wins of each day and of the outcome will allow you to reach your goal more efficiently. If you are like many, you will have 1000 new ideas every day and will have to work very hard to get into the habit of asking yourself whether that idea contributes to the bigger picture. Does realizing that idea take me closer to where I want to be? If the answer is no, then it should be parked and if yes, look at how it can be incorporated into the wider plan. Know your limitations, you may be a high achiever, but you are also only human. Rest when your body requires it, switch off when your mind requests it and create balance where possible.
3. Get familiar with consistency and persistency:  Consistency, I believe, comes as part of your genes. I know many people who are naturally consistent and consistently do things in moderation. They plug away each day and get stuff done. Others, and more common, will do things to extremes. They will diet for 3 weeks and then not consider what they are eating for the next 3 and will yoyo between all or nothing. If this, is you, do not despair, consistency can be self-taught and should be practiced, daily. At first it won’t come naturally but over time, I can guarantee it will get easier as you create consistent habits, so stay focused. Persistency is one that is a little less comfortable for most, as it can often mean making contact with someone over and over again, chipping away each day at the same brick before making a breakthrough but for me, consistency and persistency are key to achieving what it is you want.

There are many “secrets” or traits of being a high achiever but one thing that you can do EVERY DAY is bring yourself back to the bigger picture, the WHY of what you are doing. It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day, in the micro activities and once you lose sight of why you are doing what you are doing, it’s very easy to lose track of what you are doing. So, at the beginning and the end of each day, remind yourself of why and make a plan for the day of HOW to will tackle it. Believe in you, you can do this. You can achieve what you’ve always dreamed of – YOU are your only barrier.

And to remind you of this, I leave you with this quote: Every achiever that I have ever met says, ‘My life turned around when I began to believe in me’.

Robert H. Schuller

Working hard is needed; some days are better than others, though. As an entrepreneur, we have HIGHS some days and LOWS other days. Sometimes we get into a RUT.

Question: How do all “those” people make it look so easy?

Answer: Hard work, consistency, and self-care.

Hard work:

Don’t be afraid of hard work. A “lucky break” happens when you are prepared (AKA work really hard at being ready) and opportunity knocks.

Consistency:

I just spoke with an entrepreneur who is also a mom of small kids. She has a propensity to bounce around with different interests. What’s missing? Consistency. A plan and clear and steady steps to get there.

Self-Care:

In the Productivity Success Cake Model, HEALTH commands the base/bottom layer. Without health we have nothing. Yet, we ignore our health. We are so good at “tricking” ourselves that we can ignore the body’s messages. The body always wins, so my advice is to tune into your needs before you end up in chronic pain, etc. That’s REAL! For example, over the last week I’ve been feeling a virus coming on. Today it exploded. I have been hydrating and cutting all calls short. I have been asking my family for help.

Bonus tip:

If you feel tired, burned out, exhausted, and yet, you say “I need to continuously improve!” then the BEST course of action is to REST. Put self-care at the top of the list. Go out in nature. Draw. Meditate. Sing. Do the OPPOSITE of being productive so that you have the mental stamina needed to….

1. Focus on outcomes: Assess where you are and use this pinpoint to compare your later outcomes, this will help you see results much more easily and efficiently. It will also give you a steppingstone to start from on your next improvement.
2. Set standards: if you are of a continuous improvement mindset, it’s important that you set out the standards of work upon which you will always deliver. These might come in the form of a checklist or simply a few notes, but will help guide you in terms of what is “good enough” and what needs to be worked on to improve.
3. Stay curious: To improve every day, its crucial you stay curious. Asking why to most things will spark desire to improve and push you to be better each day. What are others doing that you’re not? How can you be achieving that little bit more? Where are you on the leader board of achievers today?
4. Celebrate the failures: We all fail. When you do, remember failures are treasure and should be treated as such. They provide insight into “what ifs” and “what could have been done differently” and are valuable to the process of improvement. Take time to celebrate achievements but even more time to reflect on failures as these will be key to understanding how to move forwards. Fail big, fail often, and fail better!
5. Get lean: cut doing things for “doing things” sake. Question what is being done and strip back processes to be as lean and efficient as possible. This will save you time and energy, which can be focused for another aspect of your day that may have a greater outcome.

Although sometimes exhausting and somewhat unrelenting, having a continuous improvement mindset will take you to places that you never imagined possible. Others with a fixed mindset may also reach the top but you will reach it before them, having learned more and having done it more efficiently and effectively. Keep striving and you will always keep thriving.

I’ll leave you with this quote: – “Success is a process that continues, not a status that you reach. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.”

In a life where we are constantly trying to focus on a hundred and one things at a time, finding time to actually focus on one thing can be nearly impossible. So how do you make sure you don’t waste time and stay focused when you need it most? How can you regain time, become more productive and feel happier with the outcome and achievements of each day?

• Create mental space for you to focus by eliminating distractors. Most certainly you will need to work on some sort of technological device, there really is no getting away from it but switch off or remove anything that may cause distractions is the best place to start. Turn the tv off (what are you doing watching TV?), put your phone on aeroplane mode when appropriate, and eliminate all banner notifications…these are all ideas to create a haven of space where you can work without being interrupted. For example, the ringer on my phone is never set to be audible. I cannot imagine being interrupted by all those rings, beeps and pings.

• Take breaks. Build in breaks. And, when your mind wanders, notice this. It might be time to get up, stretch and get a glass of a refreshing drink. Research suggests that the attention span for the average adult is between 12-20 minutes, and this undoubtedly becomes a lot less if distractions are readily available. Here’s the math: – if for every 15 minutes of focus, you spend 5 minutes scrolling through social media, you would be averaging roughly 2 hours a day of mindless scrolling. Try and make your downtime relatively quick and try to keep focus. Overtime you will be able to retrain your attention span to be able to focus for longer periods of time.

• Listen to your body and ascertain when you are most productive. This will certainly vary from person to person but as a rule, dedicating time to tasks that require a lot of mental capacity or concentration when your energy is low is not a good use of energy or focus. Examples of this are carrying out taxing tasks after eating or at the end of the day. Each morning, why not try prioritizing your task around your energy levels rather than what you need to get done? How are you feeling today? Do you have the energy to be able to carry out that tricky task? You may find that you are able to focus much better when you listen to what your body needs.

It’s inevitable, of course, that from time to time your mind will wander – after all, we are only human. You’ll find yourself asking: What are we having for dinner? What plans have we got for the weekend? Do I need to get the dog into the vet next week? And, so the wandering continues but what is the difference between your wandering mind and allowing flow? It’s safe to say that some of the best ideas were born from flowing minds and might just be the key to unlocking your true potential. Your mind will wander when you are feeling tired or bored, almost like it has an off switch for the task in hand. However, allowing flow comes back to listening to your energy levels and adapting your schedule to how you’re feeling. It is also closely related to feeling of happiness, increased performance, creativity, and engagement and may be the start of some of your best work.

They say practice makes perfect right? Don’t create this for yourself…be ok with just being good enough. Practice makes comfortable. When our brain and body is comfortable with a routine that serves us, that routine becomes part of our homeostasis and we “Auto-Magically” improve our situation. Retraining ourselves to focus is like anything – in order to be efficient, we must practice. Making small changes like the ones suggested above will have a huge impact on our focus, productivity, life balance and overall happiness. It’s progressive, so remember to take baby steps until you conquer each one and before you know it, you will have created life lasting habits that will make you feel happier and set you on the right path to achieving your goals! Yippee!.

We talk about the work-life balance. So, why is it so hard to come by? How do we get to a point where we feel we are working to live and not living to work?

You can read every post out there about optimizing your time, creating a life full of variety, and living life to its true potential but still find yourself in a place where you haven’t found balance, it’s frustrating right? So, what can you do?

• Reorganize your schedule with YOU as the priority! After a lifetime of putting others first, this will seem counterintuitive. And what I know, most recently from the last Streamline Your Success Group Partipants, that oddly…their own self-focus actually SIGNIFICANTLY improved the outcome of those they were choosing to help. Far too often we prioritize things that aren’t self-care, such as work, house chores, etc. Putting YOU at the top of the list means that the hour that you plot of workout, to read a few pages of your favorite book or catch up on the latest episode of whatever you’re watching on Netflix doesn’t get bumped to the bottom of the list.
• Overestimating the time it will take you to do each task will create time to get a cup of coffee or otherwise have the breathing room needed between meetings. The constant switch from task to task can leave you feeling exhausted not only physically but mentally. And when you have AD/HD you will not even notice this, often, until you are “flat on the floor” – because that switch tasking gets you Dopamine Highs that are super fun! So….do it a bit…then force yourself to breathe/mini-mediate. I promise you…it’s a game changer.
• Manage your mind – address how you’re feeling. PAY ATTENTION to your energy. Feelings of an “unbalanced” life can often come as a result of pushing ourselves to thrive when we have no energy or nothing left to give. When your body tells you to rest, rest. When you need time out, take time out. Becoming emotionally intelligent will allow you to enhance your balance.
• Practice saying no in front of the mirror each day. Imagine that! Saying no – probably one of the hardest words to say but when it comes to your own wellbeing, sometimes it just has to be said. Setting boundaries with those around you will allow you to regain the balance what you are searching for.
• Work smarter, not harder. Have you ever considered delegating and not taking everything on your own plate? Let someone else take the load and trust them to deliver – you might be surprised.

Do you ever simply observe people? With the busy lives we lead, we’ve become addicted to “doing doing doing” and always being on the go – it’s a hard cycle to break. I should know, I’m REALLY GOOD at being busy. It’s a Full On Effort to “rest.” Yup. And, needed. I have many years of Overdoing things to prove it.  To turn this around,  the first step is to Schedule Relaxing. Not easy for the Overachievers, I know this….and….again…it’s 100% critical. When you do this, you are then able to truly reflect on what’s important in your life and make it happen. I get concerned when a client tells me s/he does not have fun; does not have Things S/he enjoyes. We must find fulfillment on our own terms. That said, go easy on yourself. If all there is…is work, family, and spirituality…well that’s a good start. As you begin to learn more about yourself, you will try new things and discover who you are inside and what lights you up from the inside out. Taking charge of your balance and making what you want happen should be top of your priority list.

The line that runs between joy and productivity is mighty fine but if you play your cards right, you could be onto a real winner. At the end of each day, take a moment to reflect on what you’ve achieved. NOTE: Many of my clients avoid this like the plague. Their Naysayer does not want to hear it…they have a feeling of “not good enough” so they avoid any perception of “negative. What did you enjoy? What went well? Not as well? What will you do differently tomorrow? When done regularly, self-reflection is a very empowering process; it’s not a “you screwed up again” voice. **Take that in**. It can help you to make sense of your day; to come to decisions, to set a course of action; to step away from your habitual way of doing and thinking and discover new freedoms and opportunities.