Author: Carol Williams

Why bother, when you just keep failing, anyhow?

You set a goal. You watch “stuff” get in the way. You don’t hit the goal. You feel defeated.

Rinse, repeat. 

Why bother, right?  The “why bother” response certainly makes logical sense. Have you considered what else might be at play with this response, and what you might do to turn this “failure loop” around?

Today I will review 3 three ways that you can get unstuck more quickly. A lot of these sound really easy, and doing them is NOT “really easy all the time”. Before I share them, let’s review the “why bother” question. When we don’t hit our goals, again and again, the psyche feels defeated. We are not at peace with ourselves. To quickly reconcile this, our mind comes up with a logical summary: this does not work, please stop. Then, since our brain is constantly seeking patterns, we prove this pattern. Again, again, and again.

Continue reading, or watch the video

If our mind did NOT do this, we’d be in cognitive dissonance. That means that what we see for ourselves is not actually what is happening. That’s jarring to the nervous system. So the nervous system course corrects by telling the brain it’s impossible. The brain acts accordingly. 

Wow! Is there any hope? Why, yes. Not just HOPE but STRATEGIES. Onward to the 3 Ways!

1. Notice if you see one of two F’s or both F’s: Frustration and Failure.  A couple of my clients have been  expressing that they’re not achieving their goals – and of course, that’s why they’re working with me…lol.  It’s quite good that they are NOTICING this…now the next step is to detach from the situation, so that we are able to see what is actually happening.

How do we do this? Notice those 2F’s: the Frustration and the Failure. After that, we can move into “acceptance of ‘what is’ right now.”  Wait, what?? What is that? It sounds like this: “ I’m noticing that things are not working so, this is probably an illusion; a workplace productivity illusion. Now it’s my job to figure out what to do; what illusion am I under?” When you detach and ask yourself those curious questions, you will start to break yourself out of that frustration/failure cycle. 

2. Have more fun. I have a longtime client and his current goal is to “10x his fun”. Woohoo! He discovered this during his time with me and what he determined (among many other breakthroughs that he has had) was that he wasn’t having much fun in his life before and he just kept grinding away. That was getting in the way of achieving his goals. Once he allowed himself to have fun, what happened? It allowed those happy hormones to come in. Next, the ‘law of attraction’ starts to take over, where you want to hang out with people that are fun. We’re going to attract more of what we want. In this headspace, we see opportunities that are already there- that we couldn’t see before when we were in our ‘grinding mode’. 

3. Surround yourself with people you like and places where you want to be. For example, when I was feeling very stuck in my marriage in 2012 I decided to say ‘yes’ to a trip without my family and this enabled me to really see things from a different perspective. I was able to relax, I was able to journal, I was able to talk to trusted people about this thing that was really troubling me.  I had been feeling very, very stuck. It’s important that you surround yourself with people and places. It may not be a trip to the Caribbean, but maybe simply getting out for a walk now that it’s spring. 

These 3 strategies: noticing the 2 F’s, having more fun, and surrounding yourself with more of what you desire, will go a long way in getting unstuck. To become unstoppable, and find much more time in your day, be sure to come along to my next Lorman.com webinar. It’s on April 12th and you can save your space, with a 50% discount using this link.  

And that’s not all!  I’m also having something super special I’m doing in April, but I’m not going to tell you what that is yet. So I want you just to kind of keep your eyes and ears peeled and get excited with me.

Let me know what next move you’re going to make based on this blog – I can’t wait to know what resonated with you the most and what action you’re going to take.

You should read this!

What’s a “SHOULD”?  That’s the ‘I should do this, I should do that’ and it’s interesting that there can sometimes be a feeling of guilt.  If we are not congruent with what we really want, it’s almost like someone saying ‘calm down’ when you are really angry – it doesn’t really ever work! Well, it’s the same thing that’s happening to you and to me when I say ‘I should …’. 

Sometimes it’s ‘I should be more like ….’ (you fill in the blank). This could have originated from childhood….‘why don’t you be like your brother?’ Then, we grow up and we think ‘I should be more like …. (whoever we admire)’ because we think they have it all together. Another SHOULD might sound like, ‘who am I to do that?’ For example, you shouldn’t be writing, if you are a writer, because what do I know about x, y, z?’. That’s  imposter syndrome. Finally, a should might look like attending an event that you don’t want to attend, because you feel you ‘should’ go, or meeting a friend for coffee, who you don’t really want to spend time with.

Let’s dive into how to get out of the “should situation.”. In this example, something happened and you’re feeling angry or sad. 

(Continue reading or watch the video)

1. Part of your brain says ‘You shouldn’t feel like that’. Please don’t listen to that voice because you are free to feel your feelings. Maybe it’s not helping you to be angry at that moment, but there again, what if it really were right? So feel your feelings.  You have a right  to feel however you feel. 
2. Give yourself a time limit – that might not work if for example, you were grieving, as we can’t put a time limit on that but maybe if you were really angry because you wished you had not gone to that event as you had wasted your time.  You can be angry about that, but only be angry about that for so long. Because the truth is, you have to get past that, you don’t want to wallow in it.  And that’s why we don’t go in it at all, because we don’t want to stay in it. 
3. Allow yourself something good – a treat of some kind. For example, you might never go to a certain restaurant as you consider it high end, and why would you when you could have a perfectly good lunch at home?  Or maybe you’re upgrading a ticket, you might just go for the ‘cheap seats’ but think ‘no, I need to give myself a little more’. And you don’t buy the cheapest option.  Treating yourself is really nice and is the opposite to what most people do when they’re feeling down or feel they have made a mistake. They feel they don’t deserve it.  But it’s just the opposite. When we treat ourselves well, we’re telling our subconscious we are worthy and you are worthy. You might not believe it, you don’t have to believe it, take it from me. You are worthy just by being alive. 

If a baby is crying in his/her crib is that baby worthy of love? Of course they are, just as you are worthy of love. You are worthy of feeling good. You are worthy of it all because one at one time you were that baby. 

We’re going to dive deeper into this topic and take all your questions on Monday March 20th (tomorrow!) at noontime Eastern, and you can reserve your slot here.  It’s completely free; it’s my monthly free Wisdom Warriors Group Coaching. See you there!

Hint: it’s much more than time

Before we dive into today’s topic, I have a big announcement:

Monday (tomorrow) from 11am to 5pm EST, there is a Neurodivergent Superpowers Summit that I’ve been invited to speak at. It’s free to join, here’s the link – be sure to sign up to get the recordings even if you can’t make it!

Now, let’s discuss time management in a different way than perhaps you may have been thinking:

time management for things that are new. 

If we have our own business, that means we are going to be doing something that is new. We’ll always be doing things that are new; many things that when we do them it brings up a lot of fears. Most times, these are fears that we didn’t even know we had. In fact, we could even really have been looking forward to doing the thing that we’re about to do for a long time and want to do that new thing very deeply. Yet, there is also a force in us that wants to keep us safe, and we find ourselves procrastinating when we go to do the new thing because it’s new. Let’s go deeper. We don’t think about it consciously because our subconscious is actually running the show.

Here are some tips to DO the new thing, versus getting stuck:

1. Allow far more time for it than you ever thought you needed. One thing that happens when we’re neurodiverse is we have this “plenty of time thinking.” It sounds like, ‘Oh, I’ve got plenty of time to do that’ or ‘I operate best at the last minute, otherwise I’ll just be bored and change everything a hundred times’. These are the things we tell ourselves that are at most -half truths. 

What is the real truth? To do something new, there is a ramp up period, and during that “ramp up period,” we settle our nervous systems. To settle, we might say ‘I’ve just gotta get that cup of tea’, or ‘I’ve just got to clear out my email’, or ‘I’ve just got to clear out the clutter of this room’. 

So you’re saying to yourself, ‘Well, what can I do? Because if something else is running the show, (my subconscious) how can I run my own show?’ 

The answer lies in the “allow more time” strategy.  For example, if it’s a one hour project, try allowing yourself half a day. What’s the worst that can happen – you’ll finish early?

2. Find a grounding ritual. For example, last night my son needed to do some studying, and he was all over the place in the kitchen and doing different things. And I said ‘What can we do here? How about I make you a cup of tea? Would you like hot cocoa? Would you like …..’  and I was trying to help him ground himself so that he could get ready to do what he needed to do.

This is not not only with my children, it’s with myself as well. For example, to do the video for you, I write my notes, I sit in my chair, I take a deep breath, I think about you all, I think about how I can’t wait to serve you. It may be to put on my favorite music, it may be put on a timer so I don’t get distracted. It may be to shut off my phone. It’s getting grounded and getting ready. 

3. Celebrate the little things. We do not give ourselves enough credit with the little things. I was speaking to a client yesterday and she was telling me some of her wins and then she immediately went into what didn’t go as well.  I said ‘hang on, hang on! At the beginning of the session all we’re allowed to do is say our wins. We can go into all the problems later’. And celebration is so important because what happens is our brain is being rewired in that moment to expect success because we get what we expect. 
4. Treat yourself.  A way to dive into the unknown and make the most of your time is the opposite of what you might think – this is to treat yourself (especially what I call ‘extreme self-care’. The bigger you are trying, the bigger step you’re trying to get up, the more extreme you have to care for yourself. I remember several years ago when I found myself in all kinds of crises with my kids and my former husband in arrests and all kinds of craziness. I said, ‘Okay, hang on. Where is the extreme self-care? What do I need to do to myself, for myself, for no other reason than to love myself beyond belief so that I can get through what I need to get through?’ Yes,that was a crisis level, and we’re not talking about a crisis, this is true.  We are talking about doing something new – and that reptilian brain doesn’t know the difference. It believes we are in crisis.

Hit reply, and tell me what are you taking away from this? 

Which of those 4 ideas seem best for you?

Write to me, and  I will help you get through them.

In the meantime, be sure to sign up for the Neurodiversity Summit on Monday. It’s from 11am to 5pm EST Eastern time. I’ll be speaking at 1pm EST.  It is completely free to sign up and you do not need to attend the whole thing. And even if you sign up and you can’t make it you’ll get the recordings. I really think it’s going to be worth it – I have a lot to learn too, so I can’t wait. 

I hope to see you there.

Love really does have magical powers

How does LOVE relate to procrastination, mining for your unique gifts and talents, and “getting out there?”

Love is the theme of this month for me – and not just for me.  As it’s the month of Valentine’s Day, I’m talking about loving yourself, loving your business, loving your vocation and really loving the people that you are around. When you do that, you fill your cup and then you then give of the overflow of love, and you become a vessel of love. That’s a lot of love and it works! 

Love and Procrastination

Are you procrastinating on “that thing?”  You want to do it, but for some reason it remains undone? That sticky note is still stuck on your computer; it’s never getting off your list. The answer to “why” it’s not happening may surprise you.  Many times it’s perfectionism or kind of a false pride. I was working with a client who had a sticky note about going into a website portal to check on one of his loved ones. This person wanted to go in the portal, but he was unclear of the “how.” Behind that lack of clarity was this, ‘I don’t want to ask for help’ behind it, this false pride. The result was procrastination. So if you’ve ever experienced procrastination like this, please take heed. What we need to do is we want to trick our minds into recognizing that asking for help will help the person helping you, and help you to get traction along the way! Releasing any Should or Shame or Pride is an act of self-love. 

Love and Becoming Visible

If you are an entrepreneur, you must “be visible” – it’s the first step in building authority. However, it’s easy to procrastinate, hide, and get distracted…so you don’t quite “get out there” the way you know you “should.”

TRY THIS EXERCISE: Think about one of your clients, or perhaps somebody that knows you really well, and ask yourself: what they would say about you?  What makes your gifts so special- that they probably don’t get from almost anybody else? That is your superpower. 

We often do not see these things in ourselves; not the way others see us. And because we don’t see it, because it’s our normal, we don’t pay any mind to it. The superpower just goes “unsaid”. And because it goes unsaid, we don’t pour more love into it and we don’t radiate it. When we don’t radiate our superpower, we sweep our gifts under the rug. We stay small, and underestimate ourselves. Then we wonder why we don’t succeed.

“What quality would your loved ones say that you have that’s unique and really special” is a really important question to answer. The answer will help you with other procrastination. For example, I have a client who is struggling with ‘getting out there’, getting out  in front of an audience, even though she is incredibly talented at her craft. There’s a lot of negative voices that tend to stop her in her tracks.  Her solution? 

She said, “I’m going to go out there and I’m going to pretend that I’m going on this amazing date, this date that’s going to change the rest of my life.  A date where potentially I meet my new love and we have the life of our dreams, and I’m going to take that kind of date energy, and I’m going to bring it into my business.” 

Wow! What a mind flip! 

That returns us to the theme of loving up your business, loving up yourself, loving up your vocation, giving to yourself, and recognizing your superpowers. From that energy that she would then take to be out in the world from there, she’s going to present her superpowers, which in her case is what she calls ‘drunk on beauty!’  She sees, she photographs and she sees beautiful things everywhere and that’s her superpower. She sees beauty in people, and she sees beauty in landscapes, and she’s drunk on beauty (probably why I like her so much, and probably why we get along so well). 

Love, Procrastination, and Getting out there…the answer from me is, like so many times, is to really dig deep. One final tip…a script. Next time you’re talking to a client, just say, 

“Hey, I know this sounds crazy, but what do you see in me that is of particular value? Because I follow Carol Williams, and she says I’m supposed to ask, I feel so silly asking, but would you mind just telling me?” 

You’ll then learn something, and that exchange in and of itself helps the love flow. And when we have love flowing only good things come. 

So thank you very much. Go forth, do good work.

In love, visibility, and awesomeness,

Coach Carol

PS: Comment below: What do you believe your superpower to be, and how are you going to use it this week?

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February…the month of Love. Yes, it’s the Hallmark holiday month: Valentine’s Day. Regardless of what you think of Hallmark (I don’t think much of Hallmark) I DO love “love”. How does love relate to you, your productivity, and stepping into your best self, and loving your whole self, including loving up your business self?

To quote Louise Hay, “Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”  When we approve of ourselves, we now love ourselves. How might this relate to procrastination and getting things done?

I was working with a client who had been trying to get her business off the ground for a long while, and she knew she could do it, but those negative voices, those critical ones, just wouldn’t quit. When she tried out some time management strategies, they seemed to not really work. For example, time blocking is one of the methods that I suggest people try when they manage their time.  Time blocking means that you say, “I’m going to spend a couple of hours working on this particular task during that time”. Sounds simple and easy, right?

Continue reading, or watch the video below

It is…except…for those voices. And lots of other issues. For example, if we’re not sure “what” we’re doing, or perhaps how to approach it, procrastination takes hold. Maybe the task/project is  something new, so getting traction is hard, and getting distracted is really easy. And what of those negative voices saying “you don’t know what you’re doing. Why don’t you go do something productive?” Or maybe your kids really need you or…..well, you get the picture. This happens, and the towel gets thrown in. You may then ascertain that those “you will never manage your time” voices are right, after all.

Self-love is the answer.  When it gets extreme, I pull out “extreme self care.”

I implemented Extreme Self Care in February 2017 (when I first started Wisdom Warriors), a lot of CHAOS was going on in my life with regard to my boys (I did talk about that in Wisdom Warriors, let me know if you want the recording as it’s a pretty good story).  I was in a kind of inertia, and those voices… “I’ll never make it”, “I’ll never be able to succeed in my business”, “I’ll never be able to succeed in life given everything going on”, no matter how I time block were screaming relentlessly. I could not see a way out, so I started  ‘extreme self-love’, and that might also be called ‘radical self-acceptance’. 

We must do what Louise Hay says: stop criticizing ourselves and start accepting ourselves. However, I recommend you don’t just go to ‘acceptance’. Go to is extreme self-love, and extreme self-care. How I got myself out of my funk back in 2017 is this. I asked myself,, “what is the most kind and beautiful thing I could do for myself right now?” I had almost no money, so it’s not like I was going to go to a big spa day at the Ritz!  Now, if you wanna go to a big spa day at the Ritz and you have the resources to do it, I think you should, if that’s what you want to do. However, if you don’t, you get to decide what would work for you – it could be a warm bath, or it could be no longer buying potato chips and wine to drown out your sorrows. It can be taking yourself out for a latte. It can be saying “I’m just going to do one hour on this business strategy – I don’t know if it’s going to work or not, but I’m going to try it and it’s okay if it doesn’t work” – that too can be extreme self-love. It could be dancing! Whatever it is for you, simply do it. Don’t overthink it!

No negative voices? Great! Let’s go to your New Year Goals. We are six or so weeks into 2023. Where are you with your goals?

• If you are on track, go love yourself and reward yourself.
• If you are stuck, ask your ‘child within’ what he or she needs. Honor that.
• If you were your best friend, what might you say to yourself?

I’d love for you to let me know what you will do for extreme self-love, extreme self-care and radical self-acceptance here in the month of February. Hit reply and let me know!

What is “managing your time like a zen master”?

If you are hearing yourself saying, “I’ve got so much coming in at me”, “I just want to manage my time so I can get more done in less time, get the things I want to get done”, I just want to move ahead in my goals”, “… move ahead in my business” then this is for YOU!

Often, the secret to “time management” is secretly embedded in that which you  hadn’t thought about, or “some behind the scenes” mindset experiences that are driving your decision and that are stopping you in your tracks (hidden in your subconscious) when it comes down to really managing your time.

With that in mind, here are 3 tips to become more ZEN and less FRANTIC. And yes, using this will absolutely help you manage your time better. Like a zen master, even!

You can read on, or watch the video

1. Question “why am I managing your time?” 

You may think you know why, but this is why to ask again.  This question is the most important. It’s the beginning of my ‘five step process’- where we decide what we want and then we really go deep and discern – and we discern what we truly have for a purpose. What do we want? What do we not want? And why? 

When we can go really super deep we can know what we want, what we don’t want – and EASILY make the decisions, which is really step one.  We have big decisions to make, and then we have all these micro-decisions to make. It’s the micro-decisions that often trip us up. 

For example, maybe you have some subcontractors who are scheduled to do a project, and then somebody gets sick, and now you have to shift things in your business or in your life so that you no longer have the time you thought you had before. 

Ugh! You may think. Foiled again! Right? Well….there’s a moment of pause that needs to happen there. And when there’s that moment of pause,  we can make that decision around managing our time based on our priorities, based on not only what we want for our business with the subcontractors, but also to what we want in our lives. That pause that says,  “I am in charge, selfishly, of my life, which is really self-love, and my business and my time”. 

That’s number one – why you are doing this to start with and have all of your actions really being lining up to that bigger, deeper purpose? And…you can’t do that if you haven’t decided what your bigger, deeper purpose is.

2. Every decision that you make, ideally, must come from the inside-out, not from the outside-in. What does this mean?  Access your inner wisdom (your gut instinct.) For example, perhaps you are  deciding whether to attend an event when there is a high covid level around.  

People have different values regarding this, and let’s just say you’re deciding to attend an event that has potentially a high, high covid level. So you do. Now, what do you do after that event? Do you keep yourself isolated for a time before you go out again? This may or may not be relevant to you, but whatever your inner spirit says, whatever your inner guides say that is right for you, that’s what to do.

So many people that I work with aren’t very familiar or very trusting of their inner guide – but that inner voice is your inner knowing.  That voice, I believe, is the Divine. So when you listen to that inner voice, you literally can’t go wrong. If you are doubting the validity of this, I challenge you to look back and say, “All right, when I listen to my inner voice, what happened?” Listening to your inner voice is the secret sauce to “zen time management.”

3. Believe in magic and miracles. I’ve been called the coach of magic and I’ve been called the coach of miracles, but it’s not just me. There’s a man named Rich Litvin, and he’s a famous worldwide renowned coach and I’m on his email list.  There’s an email that came in today which said that he just went to this magic show and that magic is everywhere. 

It was a wonderful email and it just got me to remember that magic is everywhere and we can literally make our own magic. We can do anything. We are limitless. You may not believe that but I’m here to tell you it’s true. So if you don’t believe it for you, look at me. Look at all the things that I have done. If you’re not sure, go back to other, other videos because I’ve told my story many times.  

Every single day I manifest miracles and I help other people manifest miracles. That’s what I do. So if I can do it, you can do it. It just takes practice. When I first left my crazy ex over 10 years ago, one of the first things I did was I decorated my home with inspirational items and I found this one card  called ‘Now is the right time’. There’s nothing written in this card.  I had all these beautiful little reminders of myself, how powerful I really was, all over my home. This was a way of loving myself and giving myself permission now that I didn’t have chains on me anymore. Now I could really do what I wanted to do and what I was meant to do. And I want that for you as well. 

These three things are part and parcel of managing your time. A calendar is important, and it’s so much more than that.  

What will you do to manage your time better? Of all of the things I just talked about, what resonated most with you and what would you do if you knew you wouldn’t fail? 

I hope to see you on Monday (first Monday of the month at noon time Eastern) for my special sixth edition of Wisdom Warriors (which used to be called Lunchtime Love). We’re going to be talking more about self-love and how that relates to time management and getting to the goals that you don’t think you can attain.

If you’re part of Wisdom Warriors already, you’ll get a reminder of the session, but if not, please come register on my website (unscatterme.com/Wisdom Warrior Group/Register)

It’s completely free, so bring a friend too! 

I will see you then.