You should read this!
What’s a “SHOULD”? That’s the ‘I should do this, I should do that’ and it’s interesting that there can sometimes be a feeling of guilt. If we are not congruent with what we really want, it’s almost like someone saying ‘calm down’ when you are really angry – it doesn’t really ever work! Well, it’s the same thing that’s happening to you and to me when I say ‘I should …’.
Sometimes it’s ‘I should be more like ….’ (you fill in the blank). This could have originated from childhood….‘why don’t you be like your brother?’ Then, we grow up and we think ‘I should be more like …. (whoever we admire)’ because we think they have it all together. Another SHOULD might sound like, ‘who am I to do that?’ For example, you shouldn’t be writing, if you are a writer, because what do I know about x, y, z?’. That’s imposter syndrome. Finally, a should might look like attending an event that you don’t want to attend, because you feel you ‘should’ go, or meeting a friend for coffee, who you don’t really want to spend time with.
Let’s dive into how to get out of the “should situation.”. In this example, something happened and you’re feeling angry or sad.
(Continue reading or watch the video)
- Part of your brain says ‘You shouldn’t feel like that’. Please don’t listen to that voice because you are free to feel your feelings. Maybe it’s not helping you to be angry at that moment, but there again, what if it really were right? So feel your feelings. You have a right to feel however you feel.
- Give yourself a time limit – that might not work if for example, you were grieving, as we can’t put a time limit on that but maybe if you were really angry because you wished you had not gone to that event as you had wasted your time. You can be angry about that, but only be angry about that for so long. Because the truth is, you have to get past that, you don’t want to wallow in it. And that’s why we don’t go in it at all, because we don’t want to stay in it.
- Allow yourself something good – a treat of some kind. For example, you might never go to a certain restaurant as you consider it high end, and why would you when you could have a perfectly good lunch at home? Or maybe you’re upgrading a ticket, you might just go for the ‘cheap seats’ but think ‘no, I need to give myself a little more’. And you don’t buy the cheapest option. Treating yourself is really nice and is the opposite to what most people do when they’re feeling down or feel they have made a mistake. They feel they don’t deserve it. But it’s just the opposite. When we treat ourselves well, we’re telling our subconscious we are worthy and you are worthy. You might not believe it, you don’t have to believe it, take it from me. You are worthy just by being alive.
If a baby is crying in his/her crib is that baby worthy of love? Of course they are, just as you are worthy of love. You are worthy of feeling good. You are worthy of it all because one at one time you were that baby.
We’re going to dive deeper into this topic and take all your questions on Monday March 20th (tomorrow!) at noontime Eastern, and you can reserve your slot here. It’s completely free; it’s my monthly free Wisdom Warriors Group Coaching. See you there!